Saved
by jadeacl
Summary: When the past returns to haunt, what happens to a marriage based on all the wrong reasons?
1. Prologue

Saved  
Prologue   
by: Jade 

* * *

**Disclaimer****: _Dawson's Creek_ is not my property.**

* * *

It had been three days in a row now that he had found himself awake in the middle of the night. One moment, he would be asleep and the next, his eyes would flutter open restlessly. Silently, he shifted his head to one side and met with her long, smooth hair and his hand reached out to gently caress the curvature of her spine.   
  
He sat up in bed and walked across the room to the door, his footsteps quiet against the parquet floor. In the living room, he poured himself a glass of brandy and settled himself into his favorite armchair.   
  
Their apartment overlooked the Hudson River and in the distance, he spotted the flickering lights of their neighboring state and wondered if someone else was being kept up for the same reason that he was. He looked unblinkingly past his reflection in the window and focused his attention on one of the bright squares of the apartment building on the other side of the water; he imagined he was staring into the soul of his double. Maybe if he looked hard enough, he would know what he was looking for, what it was that was making him so uneasy.  
  
In the bedroom, she turned on her back and swung her arm out but all she felt was unoccupied sheets. With her eyes still closed, she sighed. Lifting her heavy eyelids, she reached a hand to trace the dent in his pillow. He didn't know that she had been observing his recent night routine. She deliberated on whether she should go and talk to him about what's been bothering him for the past few nights but finally decided against it. Whatever it was that was disturbing him, she was beginning to feel it herself. And until she could make heads or tails of what it was, she wasn't going to mention it.  
  
Turning on her side, she tried her hardest to go back to sleep.

* * *

"Shit! Shit! Shit!"   
  
The lovely brunette repeatedly cursed under her breath as she ran the fastest she could manage in her heels out of the subway station and a block down to her office building.  
  
"Morning, ma'am," greeted the middle-aged security guard on duty.  
  
"Hi, Vincent!" she called out, hurrying to push open the closing doors and squeezing into the elevator with a dozen other grumpy people. They shot her dirty looks but she couldn't care less and greeted them with a nonchalant half-smile. She could only hope that the machine wouldn't break down between there and the sixteenth floor, otherwise it would be just a living nightmare. She shuddered at the thought of it.  
  
"How late am I?" She got straight to the point as she walked briskly through the hallway and past her secretary to her office, where she stopped only to dump her briefcase on the settee and backed out again.   
  
"Seven minutes and counting," was the reply. "They're waiting in Mr. Corelli's office." Carol Sachs handed her boss a folder. "Alarm didn't ring?"   
  
She shook her head distractedly. "It's like I don't hear it now at all." They got to their destination. She took several deep breaths, straightened her suit and patted her French twist in place, trying to appear unharried. "How do I look?"  
  
"Great."  
  
She rested her hand on the handle of the door and pleaded at her secretary with her eyes.  
  
"Yes, I know. One coffee coming right up," the latter promised.   
  


***** 

Uptown, the photographer hired to shoot the latest creations of a prominent Italian fashion designer that would eventually go up as billboards in Times Square was experiencing his own hell.  
  
"Peter, I know what I'm doing," he repeated, his patience tried. "And if you'll just let me do my job, I promise I'll be done by noon."  
  
"He wants specifics. And if the man wants something, we give it to him."  
  
"Maybe he should take his own goddamned photos then."  
  
Peter wrinkled his brow. "What is up with-"   
  
The question was waved off. "Let me get started, okay?" He walked away before there were more protests.  
  
Peter walked over to where the assistant to the photographer was setting up the equipment. "It would help a lot if you could clue me in on what's bothering him."  
  
"Come on, you know he's always right in the end."  
  
"Yeah, but usually he listens to what the client has to say even if he disagrees."  
  
"The man's brilliant. He makes loads of money, is married to a stunningly beautiful woman and rapidly climbing up the top 100 of the Rich and Famous list. He's just finally being what he should rightfully be."  
  
"And what's that?"  
  
"He's being temperamental."


	2. Time Flies

Saved  
Chapter 1  
Time Flies   
by: Jade 

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**Disclaimer****: _Dawson's Creek_ is not my property.**

**Author's Note****: I know the work of a writer should, in itself, be pretty clear but I still thought it better to highlight the flashbacks in *bold* font (in favor of the usual italics) in case of possible confusion. So remember, with the constant shifting of time in this series, the present is in *normal* font and references to the past in *bold*.  
  
Dedications: Rinny - can't say enough about your work and thank you for feeling the same about mine; Ale - you are a dear ****J****; Laura, thank you for all those awards; Kilby, you rock! **

* * *

"So," Michael Cole started to say, trying to get her attention diverted from his altered manuscript. "What are you doing this evening?" 

She didn't respond. Without removing her elbow off the desk, the support of on which she had been resting the side of her head, or her eyes from her reading, she lifted her left hand in midair. The late afternoon sun from behind her caught on to her gesture and reflected a glitter from her ring finger that rendered him blind until she dropped her hand back down.  
  
He cleared his throat loudly on purpose but her concentration didn't stray.  
  
"Come on, it's just dinner. We'll keep it between us."  
  
She looked up from her reading and pursed her lips as she removed the dark-colored frames off the bridge of her nose.   
  
"Michael, you're a client, it's strictly business. I wouldn't date you even if I didn't have a man to go home to."  
  
He shrugged. "Didn't think it would hurt to try again," he replied. "And again and again."  
  
She conceded a slight smile. The intercom buzzed and she answered it.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Carol's voice filled the room. "Your husband's on line two."  
  
"Should I make myself scarce?" Cole asked in sarcasm but was duly ignored.  
  
She picked up the phone and turned her chair slightly away. "Hey," she said.  
  
"Hey." His tired tone brightened considerably in reflex as he heard her voice. "Are we still on for tonight?"  
  
"I've had Carol make reservations for eight. Is that okay?"  
  
"Perfect. You want me to pick you up?"  
  
"Nah, it'll be easier if I just meet you there."  
  
"I'll see you then."  
  
"Bye."  
  
"Bye."  
  
She replaced the receiver quietly and glanced at her watch.  
  
"What, no 'I love you's?" Cole remarked intrusively.  
  
She simply raised an eyebrow and returned to her editing of his book.

* * *

She hurried over to their usual table, her day having gone on longer than she'd expected. "I am so sorry," she said, leaning over to give him a peck on the cheek before taking her seat. "It hasn't been an easy day."  
  
He waved the waiter over. "Let me guess. Michael Cole." It was no secret to him that his wife's client constantly annoyed her by hitting on her. She told him everything that happened at work. In fact, he did the same.  
  
"Who else?" She waited for him to give their drink orders and ask for the menus before continuing. "Talent aside, he's also a huge pain in the butt." She tilted her head. "Fortunately, Judy Daniels agreed to sign with us today."  
  
"Congratulations!" he said, grinning. 

She wrinkled her nose at him, delighted. Their waiter came back and she thanked him as he handed her a menu. "I'm starving. How was your day?" 

"As usual."  
  
"That bad, huh?" she said, the corner of her mouth tilted into a sympathetic half-smile.  
  
He narrowed his eyes at someone behind her. "It's about to get worse."  
  
She turned around and saw Gianluca Torre coming their way, his vivacious wife hanging on his arm.   
  
She just had ample time to turn back and grimace before having to plaster a fake, wide smile across her face as her husband stood up to obligatorily greet him.  
  
"Luca, you've met my wife, Joey."  
  
"Oh yes, of course!" the man replied in his thick Italian accent. "Can I just say, Signora Witter-" He lifted her hand to his lips and planted a kiss there. "-you get more beautiful each time I see you."  
  
She briefly smiled her thanks to his too often used compliment. "You're too kind, Signor Torre."  
  
"_Non_, I only tell the truth. And call me Luca." The saucy redhead tugged at his arm impatiently and he reacted like he had forgotten his wife 20 years his junior had been standing right beside him.  
  
"Pacey, Signora Witter. My wife, Francesca."  
  
Pacey took the well-manicured hand that she offered and shook it lightly whilst Joey was given a look of disdain by the model.  
  
Torre eventually gave in to his wife's less than subtle whims and they took their leave. "Wonderful job today, Pacey," he praised before walking away.  
  
They settled back in their chairs, both letting out similar sighs of relief. Joey leaned forward and rested her hands under her chin. Mutely, she stared at him and he returned her unwavering gaze with steady eyes. Sometimes, they would be having a conversation about the business section of the newspaper over coffee or laying on the couch watching a movie and a sudden but comfortable silence would wash over them as they looked at each other. Friends and acquaintances that noticed these moments between them would wonder if they had had a falling-out but really, all they were doing was taking a little time out to revel in the pleasure they felt in each other's company.   
  
The meaning of the gesture had always been pure and simple with no intentions of deciphering hidden thoughts. Besides they'd never kept anything important from each other, it would seem. But that night, Joey found her mind wandering and filled with questions.   
  
He sensed the change in her mood. He couldn't tell her what was wrong; they'd made a deal three years ago. He reached halfway across the table with an outstretched palm and she willingly put her hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

* * *

**_Three years and eight months ago...  
  
  
_****"You have nice hands," the woman remarked, turning them over and fondling them seductively.   
  
Pacey scrunched up his face and withdrew his hands from her to continue dismantling his camera. "We're done, Mrs. Hackett."  
  
She ignored his advice and continued to hover as he squatted to fold up his tripod.  
  
"It's Susan. Don't make me sound so ancient."  
  
"Hackett _is_ your husband's name," he replied dryly.  
  
"Well, it won't be for long."  
  
Pacey shook his head slightly at how lightly Susan Hackett had shrugged off her ten-year marriage to the millionaire she'd met when she was twenty-five, the same man who'd made her the CEO of one of his many line of movie theater franchises. The same man who'd made her rich, successful and effluent.  
  
"What?" she questioned, noting his reaction.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Oh come on, Pacey! You don't strike me as the type to hold back."  
  
He got to his feet. "You've been married to the guy for ten years. Doesn't he deserve a little more dignity than being dumped like that?"  
  
She scoffed. "We've met like, what, twice, three times before today? You think that just because you read the gossip columns, take a picture or two of me, you know how I've lived the last decade of my life?" Her voice had taken on an angry edge and she turned on her heels but changed her mind. "No wait, let me tell you something else," she added. "There's no black _or _white in a marriage. Someone loves too little, the other loves too much, that doesn't balance it out."   
  
He said nothing still, but conceded a breath of air through his teeth.  
  
Her anger diminished a little. "Hell, I still trust the sanctity of marriage but I'm not as certain about the reasons people allow themselves to believe getting into it. I should know, I made the mistake." This time, she did walk away.  
  
"So," he stopped her. "Did you love too little?" He paused. "Or too much?"  
  
She smiled softly. "Read my book, hon. I'll even autograph it."   
  
******

*********

**His face was buried in his hands when Jen Lindley arrived at the bar.  
  
She put her arm around him and settled onto the stool beside his. "Gin and tonic," she told the bartender.  
  
He uncovered his eyes as he moved his hands down his face. "I did something really stupid today."  
  
"Pray tell."  
  
"I made a presumption about an absolute stranger, a client no less."  
  
"So you made a mistake." She rattled the ice in her glass and sipped the clear liquid. "Apologize."  
  
"No," he shook his head. "This was different. This was _not_ me."  
  
She scratched above her brow. "No, you're right. Sounds like something Dawson would do, not you."  
  
He snorted and laughed.  
  
"I'm sorry," she continued to say. She allowed herself to smile but her eyes were sad. "I've been acting like a bitch the whole month."  
  
"Jenny, my dear." It was his turn to wrap his arm around her and offer a shoulder to cry on.  
  
She sniffled against his shirt. "Shit, I miss him and I hate feeling like this." She moved herself abruptly from his warmth and rubbed her eyes vigorously and took a mouthful of her drink.  
  
"Ben doesn't know what he's missing," he tried consoling.  
  
"Yes, he does," she replied knowingly. "Hit me again, Jeff." She caught sight of the look he shot her and she reassured him, "Don't worry, I don't intend to get drunk tonight."  
  
Pacey had smelled on her breath that she had been drinking even before she'd turned up to meet him. He sighed and swung his stool around to watch the crowd on the dance floor. He took in the men and women who were eyeing their individual prey for the night and the desperation and sadness on their faces they were trying so hard to conceal.  
  
"What the hell are we doing in a singles bar?"   
  
Jen gave into a ladylike burp. "We started coming here even before it turned into one of _those_." Her tone was almost one of contemptuousness.  
  
"I must be getting old," he mused.  
  
A short laugh emitted from her. "Oh yeah, twenty-six's a winner." She giggled some more and dropped her forehead to the table.  
  
"You don't have to be old to feel old."  
  
"You don't have to tell me that," she mumbled.  
  
"I see all this people come in here every day, with only one hope that they won't leave alone. And I'm sitting here, wishing the same thing for them." He threw up his arms in amazement. "I must be going crazy if I care."  
  
"And stupid," she quipped.  
  
"And why is that?"  
  
"Because," she raised her face, supporting the side of her head with a lazy elbow. "There's nothing lonelier than being with the wrong person."  
  
He considered that for a moment. "That, coming from a woman who's drinking herself silly over a guy who obviously doesn't deserve her."  
  
"Give me a break. I've wasted an entire year on a man whom I thought was the right one. It feels like I've just been slapped in the face."  
  
******

*********

**"Oooohkay," he coaxed as he held her hair back while she retched into the toilet once again. "Easy now," he said, rubbing her back in an up and downward motion.  
  
She lifted her head out of the toilet and took the squares of toilet paper that he offered. She carelessly wiped her mouth and then the tears started to flow.  
  
"That bastard!" she shouted and cried at the same time. She reached up and tugged on more toilet paper, spilling it to the floor.   
  
"Come on," he said softly, lifting her up from under her arms and flushing the toilet before helping her into her bedroom.   
  
All the photo frames that used to be on the mantle and by the bed were now devoid of photographs that now lay scattered on the floor as torn pieces with only Jen's face still intact.   
  
He managed to get her changed into pajamas and tucked under the sheets.  
  
"I'll stay tonight, okay," he told her, sitting by her.  
  
She nodded, her crying subsiding. She held on to his hand. "I forgot to tell you something in the middle of all that drama."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Joey's accepted a position in New York. She'll start work in a week."  
  
"She phoned you?"  
  
"She needed a recommendation for a good estate agent. She tried to call you too but they told her you were away at a shoot and your cellular was turned off."  
  
"Why the sudden change?"  
  
"Haven't you heard?" Jen droned on sleepily. "She and Dawson broke up again."  
  
******

*********

**He was staring at the ceiling in the darkness. The moving shadows and the silence, occasionally pierced by a police siren or the meow of a cat, which accompanied each nightfall, were beginning to become his closest friends, next to the person who already was sleeping off her drunken stupor in her bed.  
  
He and Jen had left for NYU together, both disillusioned. Both cynical. High school was where you spent either the best times of your life or the worst. It hadn't been good to him. He simply had his heart broken one too many times.   
  
So Jen and him had wild times in college. They worked hard, played hard. Went out on dates, got laid. Ben was Jen's first serious relationship since having left Capeside. The last one he had was better left forgotten.   
  
The clock ticked on. He nearly fell off the couch, grappling with his coat for his cellular phone. Squinting to see in what little light there was from the outside, he sped-dialed long distance.   
  
She picked up on the fifth ring. "Hello." She sounded hoarse. He imagined her eyes red and swollen.  
  
"I just heard."  
  
She started sniffling and then she sobbed. "We're such fools, aren't we?"  
  
"Potter, a fool isn't what I'd call you."  
  
"I don't know what possessed Dawson and I to try to make it work for the sixtieth time."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Nothing. He's leaving for England in two days."  
  
"England?"  
  
"Got offered the chance to direct a new local drama series."  
  
"And that's nothing?"  
  
"Exactly that. He got the call, told me about it and we both decided on the spot that he should go. There wasn't even talk of what was going to happen to us."  
  
She had stopped crying and sounded a lot calmer.   
  
"Are you keeping silent," she finally asked, "because you're lamenting on how silly I sound?"  
  
"Joey, you know me better than that."  
  
"Is it going to be a problem, my being in New York?"  
  
"No," he answered honestly, "it's not."  
  
And he settled back onto the couch, voice hushed and comforting as he kept the person on the line, hoping it would help her sleep if he listened.  
  
In the still of the night, Jen restlessly turned on her side. She could hear him vaguely on the phone and didn't need a second guess as to whom he was talking. She'd tried telling him over and over again but his resolve would always weaken.  
  
"Jen, I've been trying my damnest to stay away since high school and it feels like every moment of that time I spent doing that, I'm thinking of her." He slumped lower into the same couch he now was on. "It hasn't worked," he reasoned solemnly each time.  
  
Sighing, she could only hope he wouldn't get his fragile heart broken ...again.**   
  


* * *

_Feedback please, to: pacey@hockeymail.com___

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	3. Nothing I Can't Tell You

Saved  
Chapter 2  
Nothing I Can't Tell You   
by: Jade 

* * *

**  
****Disclaimer****: _Dawson's Creek_ is not my property.**

**Author's Note****: Remember, flashbacks in *bold*.  
  
Dedications: Thank you to those at the MB - mochagirl, Tay, Mel (meljoy_8), Jocelyn (TVLuver), TaraGel, negla2018, DuckieDuck, Amy (ditsyaml), Charley and others - for their support of the trilogy.**

* * *

Neither of them had come home from work yet when the telephone rang. At the eighth ring, the answering machine picked it up and the message played in her voice:  
  
"Hi, you've reached the residence of Pacey and Joey Witter. We can't pick up your call right now but if you'd leave your name and number, we'll be sure to get back to you."  
  
Beep. Silence. And then a throat cleared.  
  
"I didn't believe for three years that you'd actually done it. You and Pacey, _married_." The tone was one of incredulity. "I'm back in L.A. We really need to talk. Please give me a call as soon as you get this."  
  
It was followed by a click and the line went dead.

* * *

**Jen watched her as the latter quietly stirred her martini twirling her olive. "Ready to get back in the game?" she asked.  
  
"They say a person takes half the time of how long he or she had been in the relationship before the break-up to get over it." She dropped her olive and pushed the glass aside. "Dawson and I have been on and off for about ten years. I'd say I still have four years and nine months to go."  
  
Jen shook her head in resignation, wondering where the hell Pacey was. Joey's mood was contagious and she was afraid her own depressed state of mind would be aggravated if she caught it spending any more time alone with her.  
  
"Joey, I'm on the road to recovery. Don't spoil it for me, huh?"  
  
Joey sighed. "I'm sorry."  
  
The two of them slumped forward in their chairs and went back to being moody together.   
  
Pacey entered the bar and knew where to look even before he spotted them. All he needed to do was follow in the general direction of the men's eyes and he knew that he would find his party at the end of it.  
  
They were a formidable-looking pair, whether they knew it or not.  
  
"Evening, my ladies," he said, coming up from behind them. He was bent forward with one arm around Joey and the other around Jen and caught sight of their faces. "Why the solemn expressions?"   
  
They declined to reply.  
  
He hugged them both to him and kissed each one on the forehead. "Cheer up, Pacey's here."  
  
Jen groaned and Joey dropped her forehead to the table.  
  
"Okay," he conceded defeat, letting go and taking a seat opposite them. "Looks like my charming self isn't enough today."  
  
Joey mumbled something incoherent in response.  
  
"So..." He smacked his hands together, "Let's wallow."  
  
"Go on," Jen encouraged grudgingly, "You know that woman over there has had her eye on you for days now."  
  
He looked in the direction of her finger. The object of their attention was indeed very attractive and glancing his way every two seconds or so. Joey turned back to see as well.  
  
"Yeah, go ahead, Pacey," she contributed and dropped her chin to rest on her forearms overlapping on the table. She resumed her doe-eyed despondency.  
  
Pacey's gaze focused first on Jen, whose raised eyebrow warned him that he should grab the opportunity, then it fell on Joey who wasn't looking at him but at her martini. Next, it went to the woman. It lingered on her and she smiled back; he wanted so much to encourage her but he finally dropped his gaze back to Joey who sensed that she was being watched. She lifted her curious eyes to his and smiled in puzzlement. **

**He smiled back. "What say the three of us rent a video or two and go over to my place?"  
  
Jen shook her head in despair discreetly. She shot him daggered looks and stepped down on his foot, slow and deliberate. He coughed and moved his foot from under hers.  
  
Joey shrugged her shoulders, not noticing the exchange. "Sure. Whatever the two of you want."  
  
Jen bobbed her head subtly that he could still get out of his suggestion.  
  
He stood up instead. "Okay, let's go."  
  
******

*********

**"I'm gone, man." Jen stretched her arms and reached for her coat. "I'm exhausted."  
  
"It's only eleven-thirty."  
  
"The bride's a friend of a friend. I promised to be there early tomorrow to make sure that everything goes according to plan." She reached the last button on her coat. "People pay me huge sums of money just to do what I'm great at. Hey, the least I can do is be there to take the fall if something goes wrong."   
  
"I'll walk you out."  
  
They got to where her cab was waiting. "You know what I think," she said without hesitation.  
  
"I couldn't just leave her all depressed-"  
  
"Yes, you _can_ and you will!"  
  
He didn't respond.  
  
"Pacey, you don't have to be physically present all the time to be there for her. Joey's a big girl, she can take care of herself."  
  
He reached around her for the door. "Can we please not talk about this?"  
  
Jen was fed up with watching this endless game between her friends. She let out a breath of exasperation and got into the vehicle, slamming the door shut after her.   
  
**

~~~~~ 

She went into work that Saturday morning but came home early to make her husband lunch. They hadn't eaten in, except for calling takeaway, for a long time and she thought it would be a pleasant surprise.  
  
She was cheerful when she entered the apartment carrying a bag of groceries but her mood backfired on her when she came home and played back the single message on the answering machine.   
  
A long moment passed before she remembered to breathe again. Just as she let the air back into her lungs, she lost the feeling in her legs and she managed to sit down before her knees buckled under her.

~~~~~ 

  
  
**"Is everything all right?" she asked as he came back in.  
  
"Peachy. What did I miss?"   
  
"Oh, just a high-speed chase."  
  
He landed on the couch beside her and they unconsciously lapsed into a routine position where she put her head on his shoulder and rested in the comforting circle of his arm. He would always kiss her on the top of her head and she would hold on to his fingers drumming on her shoulder and plant one in return on his hand. It all seemed perfectly natural and fairly platonic to both of them.   
  
That night, an element was added.  
  
She started to cry and he let her until her tears dried up but not before she soaked his shirt.  
  
"Dawson ca-called me today." She tried to control her hiccuping in between. "He w-wanted me to go over to London to try, try and work things out."  
  
"Do you want to?"  
  
"I don't know, Pacey." She started rubbing at her eyes. "I just don't know."  
  
******

**~~~~~**

It took all of her strength to momentarily forget what she'd heard and to keep herself busy in the kitchen.   
  
But even preparation of lunch had to end sometime. So as she waited for her husband to come home, she sat at the dining table staring at the telephone.   
  
A couple of times, she got up but sat right back down and continued staring. So engrossed was she in her task that she literally jumped when the low sound of a key turned in the lock of the front door. Running her fingers hastily through her hair, she tried to appear unperturbed.  
  
"Hey stranger," he said in surprise at seeing her.  
  
She smiled.  
  
He put his bag of camera equipment aside and walked over to stand behind her. He kissed the top of her head and then the corner of her temple. "What are you doing home so early?" he asked, aiming his keys at a decorative bowl at the corner of the kitchen counter and landing them perfectly in a noisy shot.  
  
She took his hand on her shoulder in hers and turned her face sideways and upward to look at him. "I thought we could enjoy a quiet meal indoors."  
  
"Perfect." He grinned and leaned down to kiss her on the mouth. "I'll go get changed," he said against her lips. She nodded and made her way to the kitchen while he made for the bedroom.  
  
She heard him ask something. "What?"  
  
"Any messages on the machine?" he repeated his question. When he was met with silence after a few moments, he peeked out the door and saw her still figure by the kitchen sink.  
  
"Joey?"  
  
"Nothing," she said, "There were no messages."  
  
He thought her demeanor a little odd but chose to attribute it to a distraction at work.

* * *

"I was hoping you'd call soon."  
  
"What is it, Dawson?" She tried to keep her voice devoid of emotion, all the time twirling the telephone cord around her fingers nervously and her eyes constantly darting to the door of her office as though at any time, she would be caught red-handed.  
  
"So we've cut to the chase, haven't we? Don't I even deserve a proper hello and how have you been?"  
  
She took several silent breaths. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Me too," he replied softly. He waited for her to speak but she said nothing. "I would like to see you," he continued.  
  
She took awhile before replying. "I don't think it'd be such a good idea."  
  
"Why? Because you married my best friend?"   
  
The bitterness in his voice didn't escape her. "Dawson, please don't make this any harder than it has to be."  
  
"I'm not doing anything, Joey. I just want to see you."  
  
The lump in her throat seemed to grow with each minute gone by. "Have you told Pacey that you're back?"  
  
"No. I figured you'd tell him," he said. "That is, if you wanted to."  
  
She swallowed past the lump.  
  
He knew her well and long enough to know that she was already consumed with guilt and part of him just wanted to let it go. But he couldn't find it in himself to forgive and forget just yet. "What are you going to do?" he asked, knowing it was childish behavior on his part but he wanted to add on to her dilemma.   
  
Her silence told him he'd succeeded but he wasn't feeling particularly victorious.

* * *

**Her eyes were puffed from dozing off on her own couch. She forgot that he'd stayed and swung her foot, only to hit something in the way.  
  
"Ouch!" He was sitting on the floor at the foot of the couch, when he felt an impact on the back of his head.  
  
She sobered up and reached to massage the spot on his scalp. "Sorry," she apologized, her voice raspy from sleep.  
  
They'd been talking through the night again and had fallen asleep in her living room. It was becoming a weekly routine.  
  
She fell back again, her face propped on the arm of the couch.  
  
He glanced at her and asked, "Does your hair always stand on end first thing in the morning?"  
  
It wasn't a smart thing to say when you're sitting near someone's foot. The next thing to come out of his mouth was another 'Ouch'.   
  
She sat up again and moved her head around, trying to rid herself of the ache that was threatening to spread from her neck to her back. "You want some coffee?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
She missed his head this time by only an inch. When she moved to the kitchen, he pushed himself into a sitting position on the couch and leaned backwards, eyes closed. He opened one of them when he sniffed coffee in the air just above his nose.  
  
"Thank you, Ethel," he said, as she came around and handed him the steaming mug.  
  
"You're most welcome, Fred." She put her mug on the coffee table for it to cool and he followed suit. She rested the side of her head on her elbow and held his gaze.  
  
He cocked a brow, never looking away for a second. They were at one of their 'moments' again.   
  
She moved her face toward him and grinned before blowing into his eye.  
  
He blinked. "No fair," he remarked, smiling.   
  
She scooted closer to him and held on to his hand.  
  
"Need a hug?"  
  
She accepted his offer and leaned her head into his shoulder for a long time and left it there. Her hair was tickling his nose but he'd never felt more at home. "Thinking about Dawson again?"  
  
"No."  
  
"I guess that means yes."  
  
A bout of silence followed.  
  
"You know, we've talked about this a lot. There really is an easy solution to it."  
  
She looked back at him with questioning eyes.  
  
"All you have to do is kiss him," he replied, allowing himself a lopsided grin. "If memory serves me, he won't be in a hurry to go anywhere."   
  
She rolled her eyes and smacked him lightly in the chest.  
  
"I wasn't kidding, you know," he said when her hair started to tickle at his nose again.   
  
"Pacey," she brooded, "If only I had such a hold on a single person."  
  
_Joey, if you only knew_, his heart replied.  
  
**

* * *

_Feedback please, to: pacey@hockeymail.com___

_

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_


	4. These Foolish Things

Saved  
Chapter 3  
These Foolish Things   
by: Jade 

* * *

**  
****Disclaimer****: _Dawson's Creek_ is not my property.**

* * *

"Frank, I just wanted to remind you that I'm taking half a day off tomorrow."  
  
"Hmm," her boss, Corelli deliberated. "You got your duties re-assigned?"  
  
It was an unnecessary question on his part for everyone knew Joey was impeccable when it came to her work.  
  
She humored him. "Yes."  
  
"Okay."  
  
She stopped by Carol's desk to double-check that her schedule had been worked around her plans for the next day and then went back to her office to pack up to go home.  
  
Carol looked on after her, left vaguely wondering as she recalled her employer, who hardly took time off, had applied for leave the same time last year and the year before that. She remembered so clearly because it had coincided with her daughter's birthday.

* * *

She left the apartment the following morning after Pacey had left for work. She'd told him that she would be out of the office in the morning and early afternoon meeting clients and the first one would not be due until after ten and there really was no reason for her to get in that early.  
  
Stopping by the florist, she bought a bunch of daisies before embarking on her three-hour journey.   
  
She drove along the Atlantic seafront, her windows wound down as she allowed the wind to wash over her face and breathed in the saltiness of the air.  
  
Water. Water used to be such big part of her life when she was growing up, mostly because she'd been surrounded by it where she lived. It used to make her feel safe, sitting by the creek.   
  
Now, it made her sad.  
  
But still she found herself never far from it. Seeing in the distance the familiar whitewashed walls of a small building against a backdrop of a cloudless sky, she pulled up beside it. She held the daisies in her arm and trudged up the small flight of concrete steps leading to the reception area.  
  
Dr. Randall who was talking to her nurse smiled a greeting when she spotted Joey. "How have you been?" the former asked.  
  
"I've been good," came her response.  
  
"Beautiful flowers," the doctor pointed out and got ready to make a move. "I'll leave you to it."  
  
Joey nodded gratefully and made her way toward the exit that led to the ocean. The sand was soft beneath her feet as she walked nearer to the water. She stood where she was for a long time, just listening to the waves. She closed her eyes against the breeze and she imagined she heard a child singing and then laughter. A tear fell from the corner of her eye.  
  
She laid the flowers on the sand. She touched the tips of her fingers to her lips and then transferred the light kiss to the petals of a stalk of flower.  
  
Pacey was always careful to keep a fair distance when he watched her. His heart lurched at the familiar ache that came on every time he allowed himself to remember what could have been.

* * *

**"Popcorn. Check. Let's go."  
  
She handed him the box of snack while she dug in her pockets for their tickets to give to the usher standing by the entry into the theaters, who recognized them and smiled broadly.   
  
"I've seen you three times this week," the teenager with the nose stud and two earrings in each ear commented, handing them their stubs.  
  
"We're becoming regulars," Pacey remarked.  
  
"Hmm...you know what?" Joey quipped. "I think I need something to drink." She turned to go but he held on to her hand and pulled her back.   
  
"You go ahead. I'll get it."  
  
"You know what I want?" she called after him.  
  
He gave her his trademark arched-eyebrow look that said 'of course'.  
  
"Don't mind my saying," the usher interrupted whilst attending to other customers, "but your boyfriend's adorable."  
  
Joey smiled. "How do you mean?"  
  
"He's got this puppy-eyed look that's positively melting. Take it from someone who hardly ever comments on normal-looking people."  
  
Joey took in the girl's accessories and her excessive makeup and nodded. She was still smiling when she walked into the dimmed theater until she realized that she hadn't disputed the misunderstood notion that Pacey was her boyfriend.  
  
The corners of her mouth immediately fell.  
  
******

*********

**"You want to tell me what's wrong?"  
  
He was walking her home after the movie which he had noticed she had been distracted throughout.   
  
She stared at him, her eyebrows twitching with worry before looking away. "It's nothing," she sighed.  
  
"Fine," he shrugged. He was pretty good at judging her moods and although she declined to talk about what was bothering her on many occasions, he highly suspected this wasn't one of those times.  
  
He was right.  
  
"Pacey, do you find me a burden?"  
  
He was completely caught off-guard. "What?"  
  
"You know, do you ever get tired of being with me all the time?"  
  
"Let me get this straight." He stopped in his step and faced her. "Are you asking me if I'm tired of being your friend?"  
  
"Well-" she deliberated. "-No. Maybe. I don't know."  
  
"Have you been talking to Jen?"  
  
"Jen?" Puzzlement flooded her features. "Am I missing something here?"  
  
"Never mind," he waved his question aside and reverted to the original topic. "What's brought this on?"  
  
"I've been thinking." She started walking and talking. "People see me with you and they mistake us for a couple. That doesn't bode well for your future with other women."  
  
He began to laugh softly. "And I thought it was something important."  
  
She, on the other hand, kept her expression grim. "I'm serious, Pacey."  
  
"And I think it's pointless to discuss this any further."  
  
He kept on walking but she held him back with a hand to his arm. "I think this is worth talking about."   
  
He reluctantly agreed by making his way toward the nearest coffee house two doors down.   
  
******

*********

**"I can take care of myself, Pacey."  
  
"I never said you couldn't."  
  
She brought her hands under her chin, elbows on the table. "I feel like we're back in high school when you did Dawson that favor, looking out for me."  
  
"And you knew back then that wasn't the reason I stuck around."  
  
Her eyes darted downwards and his gaze wandered. The past had jolted them both.  
  
_Let's pretend nothing happened._   
  
And so he tried to forget he'd fallen in love with her.  
  
And it didn't take her long to remember that it was Dawson she loved.  
  
She leant backwards in her chair and looked out. It had started to drizzle. She mentally traced each dot of rain as it pelted against the glass.  
  
"It's my fault."  
  
Pacey waited for her to explain.  
  
"I've become too dependent on your company."  
  
Still, he didn't speak.  
  
She finally turned away from the glass. "Please don't take this the wrong way. I like it that we spend time together but..." Her voice trailed off. "But-"  
  
"But we both need a life. I get it."  
  
_No, you don't_. She loved being with him but she also felt guilty. It would be selfish of her to only think of herself in this situation.  
  
"Yeah, I suppose that would be it," she replied.  
  
"Well, let's start taking count. Looks like we've exceeded this week's quota so I suppose we shouldn't see each other at all next week to make up for it." His voice was soft and low but Joey couldn't miss the sarcasm and the hurt behind his words. He stood up and grabbed his coat. "You'll get home okay, won't you?" He didn't wait for her answer before he left.  
  
She sat there awhile longer, chewing on her bottom lip and playing with her fingers. She let out a loud sigh and signaled to the waitress for the check.******

**

* * *

**

**The last time she heard from or seen him was that fateful day. Five minutes after she'd stepped into her apartment, the telephone rang.  
  
She was ready to apologize but it was Jen.   
  
"Okay, I don't know why but Pacey told me to call you."  
  
Joey knew it was because he wanted to make sure that she'd got home safe but didn't want to talk to her himself.  
  
"It's just been some time since I spoke to you," she made up. They stayed on the phone for another fifteen minutes before Jen was interrupted by a second call. "Got to go. It's business. The spring's a popular time for weddings."  
  
******

*********

**She spent the next two weeks coming home after work with nowhere else to go. On the weekends, she went to the gym for aerobics or a workout on the machines and met some people for a game or two of tennis but always ended right back with the calories from a huge tub of Ben and Jerry's in front of the television set.  
  
Into the third week, she finally got sick of _ER_ re-runs. She scooped the cordless phone from its charger and dialed the number before she could change her mind.   
  
She got his machine. She quickly disconnected and hesitated a moment before punching in more numbers.   
  
His cell phone did not respond either.  
  
"Damn!" she cursed. She hated to bother Jen but this was an emergency.   
  
"Didn't he tell you? He was called away to the Chicago office for a shoot."  
  
"No," she mumbled.  
  
"Yeah, he got promoted and is now one of two rather fancied-titled photographers to the magazine."  
  
"I see," she said, but she really didn't at all. She was proud of his achievement but sad that she hadn't heard the news straight from the horse's mouth.  
  
"But you know Pacey, he took it in his stride and barely reacted before he was whisked away on his assignment. I only managed a 'Congratulations' before he had to catch his plane."  
  
"I see."  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
She nodded, forgetting that Jen couldn't see her.  
  
"The two of you are acting really strange. Pacey calls me and spends most of the conversation asking me if I've heard from you and I only get a hello from you before you dive right in with the questions. You know, if I had to make an educated guess amidst the pressure I've been getting at work and not being told anything by my friends, I would say you guys have had an argument," she finished off knowingly.  
  
"It wasn't really an argument," she denied weakly.  
  
Jen knew that in spite of how she felt about the... weird (she didn't know how else to describe it) relationship between her friends and the advice that she had been giving Pacey to live his own life, she could no longer bear to see the two of them like that.  
  
"He misses you," she conceded. "And whatever it is that you two were in disagreement about, he's definitely not, if he ever was, mad at you now."  
  
"Thanks, Jen," she said softly.   
  
"No problem."  
  
"You have an address where I could reach him?"******

**

* * *

**

**It was the fifth day of an exhausting week-long outdoor shoot of the magazine's special celebrity spring issue. By the time he got back to his room, all he wanted was to greet his bed.  
  
He reluctantly dragged his sweaty self into the shower before he could collapse in the clothes he's worked in all day. He finished his shower and was about to turn off the lights when there was a knock on his door.  
  
The bellboy greeted him before thrusting flowers and a gift-wrapped box at him.   
  
Pacey blinked. "Are you sure these are for me?"  
  
"Mr. Witter, right? Sure, sign here please."  
  
He did and took the delivered presents uneasily. He put the flowers down and grabbed the card to read it. A grin slowly grew on his face.  
  
  
_I'm sorry for how things ended that day. Please forgive a foolish friend for her foolish ways. Congratulations on the promotion. I know you'll hate the flowers but I hope you like the present. You could use it.  
  
Love,  
Joey  
_  
  
And she had drawn a smiley face that drew a light chuckle from him. Tearing the wrapping off the box, he opened it and examined the elegant wallet that was a huge contrast to the overused, wrinkled one he currently owned.  
  
He sat down on the bed. Grabbing his old wallet off the bedside table, he began to transfer the cards and money within it into his new Gucci one.  
  
**

* * *

_Feedback please, to: pacey@hockeymail.com___

_

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_


	5. Careless Thoughts

Saved  
Chapter 4  
Careless Thoughts   
by: Jade 

* * *

  
**Disclaimer****: _Dawson's Creek_ is not my property.  
  
Author's Note: Sorry I haven't been able to get any writing done in the last two weeks; I've been on vacation. Now, back to you.**

* * *

"You've got a lunch appointment with Michael Cole at noon, " Carol reminded as she flipped the planner shut and before closing the door, added, "And Judy Daniels is on 3."  
  
She picked up the call. "Yes, Judy."  
  
"Joey, I've got a problem. You see, an old friend's in town but only for a couple of hours and we really haven't seen each other in a long time."  
  
"Go on."  
  
"I'd hate to cancel so I was hoping we could have the meeting where I'm going to be."  
  
"No problem," she said, amused understanding evident in her voice. "What's the address?"  
  
"It's in West Chelsea. 21st St. at Eleventh. A bar called _D_-"  
  
"-_Danny's_."  
  
"Yeah, you know the place?"  
  
"Unfortunately." Joey sighed quietly. "Judy, we'll probably have to re-schedule."

* * *

**After their last argument nearly two months ago, Joey realized that unlike in their teenage years, she no longer particularly enjoyed having disagreements with Pacey. It wasn't like they'd stopped their bouts of harmless sparring but there was little chance that she'd ever start a row with him if she could help it.  
  
Their unwritten law would work both ways.  
**  
**"Hey sweetheart."  
  
Joey jumped, startled, and squirmed as she tried to get away from the sweaty arm that hugged her to an even sweatier body. "Do I know you?"  
  
"Hopefully you will tonight." The man's words were slurred in his tipsy state.   
  
Her eyes shifted warily. He looked to be in his early 40's, okay-looking, of medium build and had a slight paunch. Still, he conveyed that he wasn't a man to be trifled with, especially when he wasn't rational.  
  
She automatically swiveled her head toward Pacey and Jen on the dance floor. They hadn't seen what had happened. She had to deal with the man on her own.  
  
"What do you say, honey?"  
  
She was tempted to kick him in the groin just to sober him up but she was working on avoiding trouble and reminded herself to grin and bear, sans the former.  
  
"No, thank you," she said, spitting the words out.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You heard me." Being polite to a man like that left distaste in her mouth.  
  
His face loomed in but he then pulled back when someone tugged at his shoulder.   
  
"Yo Bruce, a little situation here that requires your opinion."  
  
"Can't it wait!"  
  
"No, not really," his friend replied even-toned, hardly deterred by his scowl.  
  
"I'll be back," he slurred some more.  
  
'Don't count on it," she muttered.  
  
Her thoughts returned to where they were before she had been so rudely interrupted and recalled the day Pacey had turned up at her doorstep after his stint in Chicago.   
  
She had been overjoyed when she looked into her peephole and saw him but told herself to hold back her smile.   
  
He had frowned slightly when he noted her nonchalance.   
  
"I thought we were on a truce," he said, closing the door and following her to the couch where she sat and tucked her feet under her after picking a magazine from the rack beside it. "Was I wrong?"  
  
"I know I was at fault but I don't appreciate being kept in the dark about your promotion."   
  
"Is that why," he said, removing his new wallet from his back pocket and waved it, "you bought me a gift from a brand that's frequently been known as an old lady's brand?"  
  
She bit her lower lip to keep from grinning. "Hey! Tom Ford's revamped Gucci and I like their stuff."  
  
He landed on the couch and smiled. "And thank you," he said sincerely. "Please, will you forgive me?"  
  
Her tone turned serious. "Only if you forgive me."  
  
He had hugged her to him and kissed her on the forehead. "It's a deal," he replied softly.  
  
She had leant into his arms in relief...  
  
That same night, they had called Jen and the three of them had celebrated his promotion at the same bar they were presently at. _Danny's_ had become their hangout, that is if twenty-seven-year-olds still had hangout places. She was roused from her reverie when Jen and Pacey plopped back down at their table. She blinked, taking in the crowd around her that seemed to have grown within the last few minutes when she wasn't paying attention.  
  
He grinned at her. "Wanna dance?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Just let me catch my breath first." He gulped the rest of his drink down.   
  
"Slow down, buster," Jen advised.  
  
"There, I'm ready." He took Joey's hand and led her to the floor as she threw her head back in laughter.  
  
"I thought you hated dancing," she teased.  
  
"I do!" He twirled her around. "But I've also recently found out that I've developed a sense of rhythm!" he yelled to be heard amidst the music. "Why waste the talent?"  
  
She laughed some more and gave in to his lead.  
  
They danced to two fast songs before a slow one came on. She expected him to want to return to their seats but he held out a hand.  
  
"May I?"  
  
She raised a brow in surprise and put her hand in his. He pulled her close to him and they swayed to the tune.  
  
"I remember a time when we were terrible at this," she murmured.  
  
"That was _some_ time ago."  
  
She closed her eyes and became an unwilling observer to a past that came back to her in a series of flashes. She saw them bickering about another unimportant issue; she saw the face that he always pulled when he was embarrassed about something and she would laugh smugly; she saw them stepping on each other's toes at a disastrous dance class; she saw him lending her a shoulder to cry on; she saw him kissing her and remembered the tingle she felt; she saw the day she was sitting in her room and made her decision-  
  
He had felt her jolt. "Are you okay?" he asked, pulling back to look her in the face.  
  
She hastily leaned back into his shoulder to avoid looking directly at him, afraid he would see it in her eyes. "I'm fine," she explained shakily.   
  
If she had been facing him, she would have seen the same haunted look in his eyes.  
  
They continued to move little steps to the music. The tear that fell from the corner of her eye caught her unawares and she took in a sharp breath. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, hoping he wouldn't hear her voice shake. She pushed herself away from him and said something about needing to go to the bathroom, all the while not looking at him.  
  
Jen, who had been watching them, got up in concern but Pacey gestured at her to stay and he went after Joey instead.  
  
She escaped into the ladies' room before he managed to catch up to her and decided to wait outside. About three minutes later, she exited and walked past him.  
  
"Jo, what's wrong?" he said to her back.  
  
She shook her head stubbornly. "Nothing."   
  
"Joey!" He dodged several people in the way and got near enough to hold on to her wrist, willing her to turn around. But she moved ahead and he lost his loose grip. He was about to get close enough to her again when all of a sudden, a body came between them.   
  
"Excuse me," he said.  
  
"I think not," the stranger drawled.   
  
"Look, I don't want any trouble," he explained. "Please step out of my way."  
  
"I don't think so, buddy."  
  
"I'm losing my patience."   
  
The drunken man laughed in his face. "Do I look like I care?" He shoved a hand at Pacey's chest and pushed him backwards. "Now, I don't like to see the ladies being harassed, especially the pretty ones."  
  
Pacey was getting rather pissed off. "How gallant of you but I know that lady."  
  
"Yeah, sure."  
  
Pacey threw his hands to the air in exasperation and wondered why on earth he was reasoning with a man who was so drunk, all he had to do was push him away with a fingertip and he would probably topple. He attempted to walk past him but the guy refused to budge. He kept his temper under control and tried again.  
  
He didn't see the fist come at him until it was too late.  
  
Pacey hit the ground with a loud thud but not before he had crashed into a stool that wrestled a groan out of him.   
  
Joey heard the commotion at the door and looked back. She saw two heads bobbing in and out of her view and recognized one of them as being Pacey's.  
  
"Shit," she cursed and quickly made her way through the crowd that had gathered within a safe perimeter to watch.  
  
"Take it outside!" screamed the bartender.  
  
She got to the front and saw that Pacey was outnumbered as the man who had hit on her before and his friend were taking turns to fight him.   
  
She got mad. She ran up and tapped the friend on the shoulder. He turned around, an amused grin on his face that gradually disappeared as he felt the impact of her knee against his groin and the fist on the side of his face.  
  
"Ouch," she said, feeling the pain in her knuckles. With him down, she went to help Pacey.  
  
Pacey towered over the other man but the latter had a lot more pounds and muscles packed into him. Joey tried to intervene but they kept moving back and forth and there wasn't much she could do.   
  
At one point, she didn't move out of their way fast enough and felt an elbow collide with her left eye. She fell back to the floor, stunned at first and then she felt the room swimming around her. She tried to keep herself from blacking out.  
  
Jen, who had been slouched in her seat waiting for her friends to return, sipping her drink and ignoring the testosterone-based cheering that was becoming louder, began to realize how serious the fight was getting when two cops came through the door. She got curious and went to take a peek.   
  
"Oh my God," she said when she caught a glimpse and ran forward to help Joey up as the policemen broke up the fight. She muttered the same words when she saw that Pacey was one of the two men.  
  
Pacey had no time to take in what was happening around him before he was dragged away.  
  
"Can't I leave you guys alone?" she sighed.   
  
Joey moaned in discomfort in response.******

**

* * *

**

**She woke up the next morning, one arm flung out holding a now-warm cold compress with her limp hair in her face. She let out a few breaths, lifting strands of hair in the air and trying to blow them aside. She slid up against the headboard and gingerly touched the numb area around her eye. She sat dazed for a couple of minutes before scrabbling out of bed to her dresser.  
  
"Boy, do I look like crap," she said to her reflection in the mirror.  
  
She had fallen asleep in her clothes from last night, her hair was hanging lifelessly, her eye bags were more prominent than ever, emphasized by the smudged eyeliner and the rest of her make up that she was too exhausted to remove. To add insult to injury, the shiner she got had turned a weird shade of green and purple.  
  
"Thank god it's the weekend." She undressed and left a trail of clothes into the bathroom, where she stayed in the shower for a good twenty minutes, letting the hot water soothe her nerves and aching bones as she washed the grime of last night's events off her.  
  
Her eyes widened as she remembered telling Jen she'd be all right on her own and asking her to rush to the station to make sure Pacey was fine.   
  
Five minutes later, dressed in clean clothes, feeling and looking a lot better, she picked up the phone and called his place but no one answered.   
  
Maybe he was sleeping. She frowned distractedly as she carefully applied a combination of concealer and pressed powder to cover up her black eye. Moving back, she surveyed her work in the mirror. When she was fairly satisfied with the result, she went into the kitchen to make herself a well-deserved cup of strong coffee.  
  
She turned on the local news on the TV and took it as a good sign that the fight last night was hardly important enough to warrant coverage and was probably one of hundreds in bars and clubs across the state. She finished her coffee and put her sunglasses on, ready to go look for him at his apartment when he appeared in her doorway.  
  
"I was just about to come see you."  
  
"Well here I am."   
  
He closed the door behind him. They stood there looking at each other for a moment.   
  
"What happened after they took you away?" she asked, breaking the silence.  
  
"Fortunately, it's not the first time Mr. Asshole's provoked a fight and even luckier, I'm not famous enough for anyone to find out about this. I sent Jen home and left after they took down my statement. The owner's warned us never to return to his bar though."  
  
"Could you lose your job over this?"  
  
"I doubt so. The only thing I'll have to explain on Monday when I get in is how I got this." He took off his own dark shades and revealed a bruise on his upper cheek and cuts above his eye.  
  
She sighed and took off her own glasses.  
  
"Don't worry, I won't lose my good looks," he joked, moving closer to her. "I'm-" he paused and leaned forward, reaching out to gently touch her injury.  
  
"The makeup almost worked."  
  
His frown deepened as she said, "It's your fault."  
  
"I didn't start the fight." He was upset and feeling maligned. "He wouldn't listen to reason. You always blame me when-"  
  
"Shut up, Pacey."  
  
He did.  
  
"I wasn't talking about the damn fight. _You_ gave me the black eye."  
  
His jaw dropped. "I did not!"  
  
"Yeah you did. I was trying to help you and got in the way of your elbow."  
  
He grimaced at the thought. "I'm sorry."  
  
She gave him a half-smile. "I know you were provoked. That guy was hitting on me while you and Jen were dancing.  
  
"This has got to stop."  
  
"I know, I know," she interrupted. "I'm always getting you into fights, right?"  
  
"Actually, I was going to say we've got to find a way to make you seem less attractive. "  
  
She snorted and rolled her eyes. "Pacey, save your pick up lines for the ideal woman. Don't waste them on me."  
  
She turned to walk into the living room but he tugged on her arm to halt her. "What if you are?"  
  
She wrinkled her brows. "Are what?"  
  
"The ideal woman."  
  
Her face fell. "Don't even joke about it," she spoke softly.   
  
"Tell me why you left the dance floor so abruptly last night."  
  
"I- I" she fumbled for an explanation. "I had something in my eye and I needed to wash it out."  
  
He stared at her knowingly.   
  
"What are you thinking?" she finally asked. It was a question women seemed to ask when they found themselves in close contact with a man.  
  
"Unfinished business," he said. "You and me."  
  
**

* * *

_Feedback please, to: pacey@hockeymail.com___

_

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_


	6. When A Man Loves A Woman

Saved  
Chapter 5  
When A Man Loves A Woman   
by: Jade 

* * *

  
**Disclaimer****: _Dawson's Creek_ is not my property.  
  
Author's Note: A BIG thank you to Jean who has single-handedly been responsible for the beautiful banners for about all of my fanfic. **

**The season finale is approaching and I'm dying of suspense. It's not a good thing.  
*In order to avoid confusion, I'd just like to re-establish the grounds on which this fan fiction is based - I began writing _Saved_ in the period between 'Cinderella Story' and 'Neverland' and so keep in mind that certain aspects and the eventual outcomes of the relationships between the characters, as this season nears its conclusion, are all of my imagination and may/may not be entirely different from the actual thing***

* * *

**_"And when I kissed you  
You would almost always kiss me back  
But I could tell your mind was with someone else...  
Picturing your body as I ask myself if you love me too  
Wishing that you love me too  
  
Listen to my nervous laughter  
Sunken deep inside my heart  
My lips are dry, I'm teary eyed  
For you my love..._**_  
  
___

By the time she caught sight of him, it was too late to walk back into the building and pretend she hadn't seen him.  
  
"Hello, Joey."  
  
"What are you doing here?" Her gaze wandered nervously as she spoke.  
  
"We had to meet sometime."  
  
"_Now_ is not a good time."  
  
"Why are you whispering?"  
  
She moved past him and ran down the steps in front of her workplace quickly. He easily caught up to her.   
  
"You can't be here. I'm meeting Pacey."  
  
Dawson straightened his shoulders, keeping his hands in his pockets. "Good. I haven't seen him in awhile."  
  
She let out a sigh of resignation. "Please give me a chance to tell him before you do this."  
  
He stared at her for a long time before he relented. "You know for a person who has absolutely nothing to hide, you're acting pretty guilty."  
  
She watched him walk away and briefly closed her eyes before heading for the opposite direction.  
  


***** 

Her peace of mind had already been disrupted. It wasn't like the world would fall apart if she told him. All she had to say was, 'Pacey, Dawson's back' and get it over and done with.   
  
It was as simple as that. Nothing would have to change; it wasn't like telling the truth would create a rift in their marriage. No, it wasn't as if the world would fall apart.  
  
Maybe just her life.  
  
"... and I told him I couldn't do it."  
  
She nodded absently.  
  
He watched her for a second before adding, "But I did tell him I'd shave my head completely bald for a million dollars."  
  
She nodded again.   
  
"And when I found out he was a little green man, he insisted I take him to our leader."  
  
"Hmm."  
  
And then realized that he wasn't saying anything more. She looked up to meet his frown with questioning eyes.  
  
"You haven't heard a word I've said. What's wrong?"  
  
She had been caught. No amount of mental rehearsal would be enough anyway.   
  
"Dawson's come home."  
  
Her voice sounded strangely foreign to her ears.  
  
"Come home where?" was all he could think to say.  
  
"L.A. But he's in Manhattan now."  
  
Pacey let out a short, humorless laugh and he kept his eyes on his glass of water. "Great, we can get together and reminisce." The slight tilt of his mouth died. "How long have you known?" His eyes lifted to hers as he asked the question.  
  
"I didn't want to tell you-"  
  
"How long, Joey?" he interrupted softly.  
  
"Two weeks."

* * *

His insomnia had started again. In the living room he turned over his usual glass of brandy in his hand, examining it but not really looking at it. He put his head back against his armchair and stared into the lights outside.   
  
She was sitting at the edge of their bed, looking out into the same lights from the window in the bedroom. Finally she tightened the robe around her as she shivered from the draft and got up.   
  
He felt her presence before he saw her shadow come up to stay beside his. She bent down and took his free hand resting on the arm of the chair.   
  
He squeezed it back.  
  
She moved around the chair to face him but didn't let go of his hand. She watched quietly as he put his glass down and then returned her eyes to him.  
  
"It's not like I didn't know this day would come," he said, grazing her smooth cheek with the back of his hand.  
  
"Pacey, we don't have to decide- I mean there's nothing-" she paused not knowing how to continue and started to gesture, trying to articulate how she felt, "I am not-"  
  
She was shushed by his hand that had moved over her mouth. "Don't say anything that you're not sure of...yet," he told her softly. "I might not be able to take it if what you say tonight doesn't come true."  
  
She closed her eyes and when she opened them again, they were shining with unshed tears.   
  
"Come here."  
  
She straightened and got on the chair with him where he gathered her close and buried his face in her hair.   
  
"Please understand I would never deliberately hurt you," she murmured against his chest.  
  
"I know."  
  
With an eagerness that seared him with regret, Joey dragged his mouth to hers, wrapping her arms around his neck as they both attempted to forget everything that night but the comfort they found in each other.

* * *

**She opened her eyes and the first thing she felt was the leg that was swung over hers possessively.  
  
She groaned inwardly, reluctant to look sideways to face up to reality before she could come up with a thousand reasons to convince herself that it had been a mistake anyone could have made.  
  
She inhaled and turned to look and what she saw momentarily took her breath away.  
  
With his hair all rumpled, his eyelashes unbelievably long framing a pair of eyes that when opened always twinkled at her mischievously, and his mouth slightly open offering the sound of even breathing, he looked absolutely, absolutely-  
  
She jumped when the phone started to ring. Cursing softly, she struggled to find the cordless somewhere in the room. She looked under the bed, wondering if they might have kicked it there by accident in the middle of their, errm...  
  
She left that thought behind and knocked the air out of him as she leant over to his side of the bed and saw it lying on the floor. She grabbed it and pressed the Talk button before she realized she wasn't at her apartment.  
  
"Hello?" a female voice rang out from the other end of the line.  
  
"Shit," she muttered. She did the next best thing. He was rousing from his sleep and she hastily put the phone to his ear.  
  
"H-eellllooo?" the voice called out again.  
  
He opened both eyes, now alert. "Err, Jen?"  
  
"Yes, Jen is my name. What's with you?"  
  
Pacey looked to Joey for help but her face was already buried in her pillow.  
  
"I'm sorry. You caught me a little off-guard. I had a late night-" he grinned a little when Joey smacked him on the arm.   
  
They spoke a little while more and was about to hang up when Jen stopped him. "Hey you know where Joey is?"  
  
"Joey?" He gulped.   
  
"Yeah, Joey."  
  
She looked up when she heard her name and her eyes widened in panic.  
  
"It's just a little strange. She canceled on me last night, saying she had a ton of reading to do and was going to call for takeout. When I rang back less than a minute later to remind her of our lunch date today, she wasn't home or at least she was letting her machine pick up. No one answered the phone just now either."  
  
"No!" he said a little too loudly.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Nope, I don't have a clue where she is."  
  
"Errm," Jen said, wondering why Pacey sounded so strained and jumpy. "Okay then. I'll see you later."   
  
"Bye." He quickly disconnected the call and dropped the phone back to the floor. Falling back on his pillow and lifting his hand to rest it on his forehead, he said, "That was too close for words."  
  
"That's it." She scrambled off from under the covers and Pacey caught a glimpse of thigh when her camisole was hiked up in the process.   
  
"What's it?" he asked distractedly. She was picking her clothes off the floor but she kept missing them the first time and had to keep bending forward, offering him a pretty good view.  
  
"Last night was a very, very _bad_ mistake," she told him.  
  
Pacey raised his brow "Twice?"  
  
She threw her clothes in his face. And fell into a chair behind her with her head falling forward between her hands and she kept muttering incoherently, "This is not good. What the hell am I doing? I must be completely insane. Shit, shit shit!"  
  
Pacey went around the bed and knelt in front of her. "Hey," he said softly, cupping her chin to tilt her face toward him. To his surprise, her eyelashes were damp.  
  
She sniffled. "I should have tried harder to stay away after what happened last week."  
  
"Joey-"  
  
"Don't you see, Pacey? We've made a complete mess of things. Everything would have been fine if we just stayed the way we were. Friends. Platonic. Period."  
  
"Joey, we will always be friends." He held her gaze. "Just not the type you want. Things were bound to change, whether we liked it or not."  
  
"There's enough complication in my life. A fling is the last thing I need."  
  
His heart dropped at her choice of words. "I'm not asking for anything."  
  
"Neither am I." She shook her head as she said, "But I've never been one for anything casual. It's either all when and _if_ I'm ready or nothing at all."  
  
He got off the floor and moved to sit on the bed. There was a long moment of silence between them.  
  
She stood up. "I'd better go." She collected her clothes and disappeared into the bathroom for a few minutes. When she was done, she picked up her bag in the living room. She hesitated but walked back to the bedroom. He hadn't moved from his position.   
  
"I'll see you later?"  
  
He gave her an imperceptible nod from the back.  
  
She nearly went up to him but she didn't. Instead, she went out the front door and closed it quietly after her.  
  
******

*********

**"Where were you last night, Joey?" Jen seemed to be the only starving as she noted that her friends had hardly touched the food on their plates. "I tried to reach you."  
  
"Silly of me really," she smiled awkwardly. "I left the important stuff in the office and had to go get it. When I got there, I thought I might as well stay on and finish up."  
  
"I certainly hope you were careful."  
  
Pacey nearly choked on his potatoes.  
  
"W-what?" Joey managed to croak.  
  
Jen regarded Pacey whose coughing had subsided after having sipped some water. "You know, being out on your own at night," she explained, although her eyes didn't leave Pacey once. A tiny furrow appeared between her brows as she started to move her eyes back and forth at the two of them, during which Joey seemed to have developed a fascination with her steak.   
  
Jen continued eating but she was feeling particularly pensive. "What did you do last night, Pacey?"  
  
"Guys' night out. Me and the boys went to a bar."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes, really." He tried to stare her down but he was the one who looked away first. "You know what, I just remembered that I promised Peter to drop in at the studio to look over some prints." He pushed his chair back and stood up, dropping his napkin to the table. "I'm sorry I can't stay. We'll talk soon, okay?"  
  
"You betcha," Jen replied as he bent down to peck her on the cheek and watched in interest as he did the same to Joey but lingered a moment longer. As he straightened, she saw the sadness in his eyes as he gazed at Joey's profile. Joey, on the other hand kept her eyes averted from his and managed a small smile but said nothing.  
  
"Bye," Jen called after him. He offered a slight wave of his hand and disappeared outside where she saw him get into a cab. She was beginning to worry.   
  
"Joey, you free after this? How about going shopping with me for a present?"  
  
"Sure," she answered, her mind not really there but with Pacey whom she had probably hurt deeply.  
  
******

*********

**"What do you think about this for Pacey?"  
  
"Pacey?"  
  
"Yeah, it was his present I was talking about."  
  
"Present?"  
  
"His birthday's next month."  
  
"Next month?"   
  
"Why do you keep repeating what I say?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
Jen hung the sweater back on the rack and crossed her arms.  
  
"I've been so caught up with things, I just forgot, that's all."  
  
Jen picked up the sweater again. "I really like this." She reached in for the tag. "Hmm, you think this may be too small? Pacey can get a little pudgy around the edges." She waited for Joey's input.  
  
Joey who was wandering through the nearby racks glanced up and said absently, "No, it's fine. He's lost weight around the waist."  
  
It was almost a confirmation for Jen that her suspicion was right. She didn't think Joey even knew what clues she had been giving away for the past two hours in her preoccupied state.  
  
Joey looked up questioningly as Jen lightly took her hand and finally led her one floor up to the cafe. "Sit down," she said, glad that there were few people around. Joey did, waiting for her to explain what she was doing.  
  
"What do you want to drink?"  
  
"Water will be fine."  
  
When Jen returned with her orange juice and Joey's water, she took her time approaching the subject. Joey waited some more.  
  
"I'm sorry if you think I'm out of line but I'm worried. The only time people act like the two of you have been acting is when there's sexual tension. The result of either wanting to sleep together or having slept together."  
  
Joey stared at her, wide-eyed and speechless.  
  
"I don't wish to see either of you hurt."  
  
"No, we- I mean," She paused. "I don't know what's going on anymore," she confessed.  
  
Jen expected Joey to shut her out then but the latter surprised her by talking about it.  
  
"We talked and we both knew that the past year has been difficult, what with being-" Joey swallowed apprehensively. "You know, with our...history. There was this one moment where I looked at him and it was like being back in Capeside when I first realized there was this whole mass of feelings I had for him and it felt magical. Nothing, no one else existed." She gave a wry smile. "Then of course, I floated back down to earth."   
  
Jen remained silent.  
  
"Nothing happened that day," she went on to clarify. "Dawson was on my mind. The mere thought of him paralyzes me sometimes and I get so mad at myself after that because I know he's not here and Pacey is." She started playing with her fingers. "That's still not the point. Until I can stop thinking about Dawson the way I do, it'll be wrong."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Knowing it didn't help me." She sighed. "Two days after that, he came over tipsy and miserable." She leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table, her fingers kneading her temples. "He kissed me and the rest is a blur. It wasn't anything I didn't want to do and that terrifies me."  
  
Jen reached out for one of Joey's hands, compelling her to look up.   
  
"I don't suppose you were at the office then last night?"  
  
Joey groaned in embarrassment and took her hand back to help cover her face. When she moved them aside, her face was red but she allowed a slight tilt of her mouth. "Okay, so maybe the rest isn't such a blur."  
  
That was the most Joey would concede and Jen had to smile. "I don't know anyone who blushes as much as you do."  
  
"Believe me, it's a trait, amongst others I wish I didn't have."  
  
"Let me guess, it's all awkward between you."  
  
"It's more complicated than that." She wasn't proud to admit what she was going to say next. "The morning after that first-" she flushed again, "night, I left a note and stayed out until I was sure he'd gone. I just couldn't face him. Seeing the guilt in my eyes would have no doubt made him feel like crap."  
  
Jen replied with a sympathetic sigh.   
  
"We didn't speak for days. I was screening my calls. Finally I got tired of acting like a coward and I canceled on you, planning to go over to his place to apologize but he got to me first. He looked so mad when I opened the door and the only thing he said to me was 'Good, you're alive'." She bit her lip at the memory. "I ran after him and apologized for being a jerk. You know Pacey, he can't bear a grudge for too long. We seemed to be on a safe track but I couldn't take a chance so I dragged him to the least sexual place I could think of."  
  
"I can't wait to hear this."  
  
Joey scrunched up her face. "I took him to a bowling alley."  
  
"A bowling alley?" Jen fought hard to keep a straight face. " Yes, cause all you really think about is pins and balls."  
  
Her jaw dropped at her friend' reaction and her face flushed. "Jen! Get your mind out of the gutter!"  
  
The unintended bowling pun was just too much for Jen to take and her face dissolved into a wide grin.  
  
It took a second for Joey to realize what was so funny and she sighed, exasperated.   
  
"Oh come on," the former persuaded. "I really do want to hear the rest."  
  
"I was winning and then I made the mistake of looking over at him. He didn't know he was doing it but he gave me that look, you know _that_ look that made me melt like a big blob of ice cream. Our conversation stopped being about bowling at some point after that."  
  
Jen stirred her drink while she thought over what she was going to say to Joey. Her mood turned somber. She knew the latter wanted a simple solution to the problem but there weren't any in sight. She wanted so much to be able to tell the woman sitting opposite her how _much_ she was loved by the man who'd been trying to mend his broken heart for the last ten years and to beg her not to break it any further. But it wasn't in her place to say that; the matter was between Joey and Pacey. All she knew to say was-  
  
"Joey," she paused to take a deep breath, "the only advice I can give you is, ten years ago you made a difficult decision. You're going to have to make another one now."  
  
**__

_  
...Harken all you fallen angels  
Help me find a place to rest  
My head is pounding here beneath   
The weight of this_

_I'm wishing that and you know me  
Oh you know me more than anyone  
And when I hear your voice  
Everything I've done disappears from memory  
  
Oh my darling come and save me"___

_-'Wishing That', Jann Arden___

* * *

_Feedback please, to: pacey@hockeymail.com___

_

* * *

_


	7. The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter

Saved  
Chapter 6  
The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter   
by: Jade 

* * *

  
Disclaimer: _Dawson's Creek_ is not my property.  
  
Author's Note: My version of Season Three events on the _Creek_ for my fanfic to work, are as follows: Joey doesn't leave with Pacey and chooses instead to stay with Dawson. Can't be a happy ending in my world otherwise I would have nothing to write! Actually, I do have another plot in mind in accordance with the ending of the finale but yikes!...I really should finish this one and _My Last Love_ first.  
  
The lyrics in [ ] are from "It Might Be You" by Stephen Bishop (at least I think that's his name; it's been awhile) from the soundtrack of _Tootsie_ - it's a tune I consider a classic and ranks way up there as one of my all-time favorite songs. Can you tell I'm an '80's child yet :P ?

* * *

_"Have you ever been so close that it blinds you  
You lose your focus till the distance falls away  
Have you ever been so lost and somebody finds you  
And brings you back your faith..."  
  
-'Come Inside', Mary Beth_

  
  
**  
He didn't really feel like talking to anyone but she wasn't about to let him leave her waiting outside.  
  
The knocking got more rampant.  
  
He walked to the door and stayed long enough only to turn the lock before walking away.  
  
The door clicked open then shut.  
  
"I know what you're going to say so I'm just going to say it for you." He was staring into space from his couch, a half-empty beer bottle on the table in front of him. "You warned me not to get involved, not to get my hopes up, not to get my heart broken. Still I went and did all three. You can tell me 'I told you so' now."  
  
She came around and sat down beside him. With her hand lightly on his arm, she replied, "I didn't want to be right."  
  
He began to knead his temples. "I am such an idiot," he smirked, with emphasis on the last word. "What the hell possessed me to think that-" He stopped short and chuckled.  
  
"Joey's my friend too." Jen started to shake her head as the smile died on his face. "But she hasn't seen what I've seen since college." She switched positions as she moved the now-warm bottle out of the way and took its place on the table, keeping her gaze intently on his face. "You had it, Pacey but you threw it away."  
  
He looked up. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"Tracy Burlington."  
  
He blinked, the memory fading in and out, of a wonderful auburn haired beauty who had the brightest smile and the kindest eyes of any girl he'd ever known at college.  
  
"For years I watched you torture yourself in self-pity and then she came along and I thought, 'Hope at last' but in true Pacey-style, you went and wrecked it. "   
  
He sighed. "It wouldn't have worked out."  
  
"Was it worth it? Having pushed away anyone who ever loved you?"  
  
"No? Is that what you want me to say, Jen?" He got up and began to pace the floor. "You're the last person who should lecture me about pushing people away because that was all you ever did."  
  
She tensed. "Don't you dare make this about me."  
  
When he spoke, his voice had a tone of impatience and defiance to it. "Just say what you really feel."   
  
"All right, I will!" Her own had risen a pitch as she stood up. "I don't know what to do with the two of you anymore. Make that three if you include Dawson. I want everyone to be happy but no one is! You want to be with Joey, Dawson wants to be with Joey. Joey can't make up her mind. Nothing's changed from before! And I'm sick and tired of it all!"  
  
Pacey stared on wide-eyed, a little thrown off by her outburst.  
  
"So this is what I want. I want Joey to finally make a choice and stick with it! And if you're not who she chooses, I want you to _try_ as hard as you can to get on with your life and be happy!" She made herself calm down before she popped a vein in her neck but not before she pointed her finger at him and warned, "And don't you dare tell me I'm acting irrationally otherwise I might be forced to hit you!"  
  
He raised both arms in surrender, still too surprised to say anything. She exhaled loudly and fell back onto the couch. He started tentatively toward her.   
  
"I'm sorry I said what I said about you," he apologized softly.  
  
"I'm not going to take back what I said, Pacey," she responded rubbing the hot skin on her forehead with the back of her hand distractedly.   
  
"Yeah, okay."  
  
She dropped her fingers to her lap and looked up at him. "Okay."  
  
He sat down, wringing his hands. "Don't give up on me."   
  
"Pacey, you go on like this and you'll break."  
  
"I may not be the only one."   
  
She swiveled her face sideways toward him.   
  
"What's wrong, Jen?" he continued.  
  
"Nothing," she said. "Everything. Who knows anymore?"  
  
He put his arm around her and hugged her to him. "Are you falling apart on me, Super Lindley?"  
  
She snorted and then quietly laughed as she remembered the nickname started when she aced a couple of papers that she hadn't studied a lot for. "I think the last person who called me that was your ass of a roommate at college."  
  
"Danny?"  
  
"Oh yeah, that's his name."  
  
"I could never understand why you two never got along."  
  
"Well, it's kind of hard when you know he's thinking 'super' isn't so much the best word that begins with an 's' to describe you."  
  
"You can't be going where I think you're going with this," Pacey defended one of the best men he'd ever known. "Danny? This is Daniel Lerner we're talking about." He released his grip on Jen to catch her eye more easily. "The most unassuming, uncomplaining and unperturbed individual, _possibly_ in the entire state of New York."  
  
She cocked her brow. "What can I tell you? I got the distinct impression and I'm seldom wrong about things like that." Shrugging, she asked, "What's he doing now, any ol' how?"  
  
"He's just switched law firms again in Brooklyn. This one's paying him a grand more each month."   
  
She raised both eyebrows. What else could she expect from the _brilliant_ Danny Lerner?  
  
Pacey returned to his own thoughts.  
  
There was further silence as Jen receded into hers. "I don't know why some people think being twenty-seven is better than being seventeen. Life still sucks," she finally said. "And it's unlikely to get better with each new year."  
  
******

**~~~~~**

"Someone's here to see you, Jen."  
  
Her eyes remained closed in exhaustion as she took in as much ocular rest as she could before having to resume work. She nodded mutely to the information.  
  
"Jen."  
  
She tilted her head slightly at the familiar voice and slowly opened one eye then the other as she took in the sight before her.   
  
She gaped. "Dawson?"

* * *

**Maybe it was comfort she felt. Maybe it was companionship she needed. All he was certain of was that he still loved her. He used to pride himself on how he managed to take things into his stride and how cloistered he kept the vulnerability behind the fearless front that people saw.   
  
He was scared as hell.  
  
There had been no arguments, no rationalizing and most importantly, there had been no apologies when she'd returned. All she said was, "I'm rebuilding my life and I just want to see what happens down a road I never took the chance to go."  
  
"Okay," he'd agreed.  
  
So three months down the road, they were still experiencing couplehood together.  
  
"Pacey," she whispered in his ear. "You've got a plane to catch."  
  
He yawned and turned over to nestle her in his arms. She kissed him and snuggled closer. Staring at the ceiling, he sighed inwardly as he mentally put aside his plans for the time being. _It would have to wait_, he thought. He only hoped he wouldn't lose what little courage he had.  
  
"I'll see you home before heading for the airport."  
  
Joey smiled. "Don't bother. I'm going with you."  
  
******

*********

**They had 45 minutes to spare before he had to board and decided to have a drink first.   
  
"If all goes well, the shoot shouldn't take more than 6 days."  
  
"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere," she half-joked, half-reassured. Taking his hand she took a long look at him. "What's wrong?" she asked.  
  
His smile was too broad, too quick. "Nothing." He picked up his cup of coffee and nearly spilled it.  
  
Joey frowned but a crowd that had gathered nearby divided her attention from him. As it dispersed, she caught sight of a couple clothed in wedding attire and-  
  
"Is that a minister?" she asked.  
  
Pacey turned back to look. "Uh huh," he replied.  
  
"I can't believe this," she chuckled. "They're getting married at the airport."**  
  
**"What do you think about it?"  
  
"It's a novel way to be wed."  
  
"No, I mean marriage."  
  
Joey, surprised by his question, deliberated on her answer as she tried to work out where this was headed. She looked back at the happy couple and then she thought of her sister, Dawson's parents and her own.  
  
"I guess it's the recognition of a bond between two people who love each other-" She paused. "But it's not always happy _ever afters_, it often takes hardship for them to realize just how much they can't bear to be apart. Still sometimes even that's not enough reason to stay together."  
  
"Are you thinking about your parents?"  
  
She lowered her gaze to the table and back at him. "Other people too."  
  
He nodded and went back to staring into his cup.  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen, the gate for Flight AH657, to Houston, Texas is now open for boarding. Will passengers please make their way to Gate 20. The flight is ready for boarding. Thank you."   
  
The voice drawled on the familiar announcement as Pacey picked up his heavy camera case. Swinging it over his left shoulder, he offered his right to Joey who accepted with an arm going around his waist and her head leaning against him as they made their way to his flight.  
  
They didn't have far to walk and before Joey could think up a way to broach the subject of what was bothering him they had arrived at the gate.  
  
Pacey put his bag down and took a seat some distance away from the passengers in line to get on the plane. She followed suit.  
  
"Maybe you ought to marry me."  
  
Her gaze never shifted but her voice shook. "This is not funny, Pacey."  
  
"I've never been more serious. Marry me." He remained looking straight ahead as he spoke.   
  
Her eyes dropped to the ground and she squeezed them shut for a moment before looking over at him.   
  
"Are you giving me a choice?"  
  
His face swung toward hers, her words having caught him off-guard. "Joey, this is not an ultimatum."  
  
She looked away, embarrassed but relieved that she'd misunderstood. But still she had a question to answer.  
  
"Doesn't time play a part in this? We've only really been together for a few months-"  
  
"If time is an issue it's only because it's been wasted. Has it been a few months or ten years?"  
  
She started wringing her hands. "Pacey, you've always had the worst timing."   
  
He laughed quietly. "Don't you think we've done enough avoiding to last us a couple of lifetimes?" He straightened as the final call for his flight was made. "I'm just going to say what I feel. I have only really been happy the moments I've spent with you. I know how you've said you're not worth all this but I think I might be meant to love you or something because my heart's not listening."  
  
She was speechless. Her mouth dropped open slightly and she could do nothing else but stare at him. It was the first time he'd said anything to even imply that he loved her.  
  
He went on talking, not taking in her reaction and barely even realizing what he'd admitted. "You can leave Dawson in the equation. There's no point pretending he doesn't exist. He'll always be there. I can't compete with that, I can't compete with a memory."  
  
Having regained her composure enough to object, she told him, "Don't do this to yourself, Pacey. Any day, Dawson could come home and it'll just start all over again."  
  
It was his turn to ask, "Are you giving me a choice?"  
  
She was not as quick to reassure him as he did her. She chewed on her lower lip as she felt like crying.  
  
He turned away from her and stood up. "I'd better go," he said softly. Offering a quick glance her way, he added, "I'm sorry. Think about what I said or just forget it."  
  
And she watched on long after he'd disappeared out of sight.**

* * *

_[Time, I've been passing time watching trains go by  
All of my life  
Lying on the sand, watching seabirds fly  
Wishing there would be someone waiting home for me  
Something's telling me it might be you  
All of my life...]_

**The man and his wife stopped jesting with each other as they felt like they were being watched. He turned curious eyes toward the attractive woman who appeared to be doing so and offered her a puzzled smile. She smiled back, flushed from being caught. **__

_[...Looking back as lovers go walking past  
All of my life  
Wondering how they met  
And what makes it last...]___

**Four days of reflection hadn't got her any closer to an answer. She was sitting in Washington Square Park on a warm September day, trying to clear her head and ended up more confused than ever. She didn't want to go home because it felt lonely to be home. She missed him.   
  
At some point as her attention wandered from the performers who were finishing up their act, a couple had caught her eye. They looked like newly-weds, giddy from the excitement or perhaps they were just happy like that all the time.  
  
Without warning, she found herself imagining a life like that with Pacey. Guilt lingered. It began to dawn on her that outside of childhood fantasies, she'd never thought about Dawson and marriage as one...in fact, she hadn't really thought about Dawson in some time.**

_  
[...If I found the place  
Would I recognize the face?  
Something's telling me it might be you]_

**  
She put on her sunglasses and started to walk away. She couldn't stop thinking that maybe Pacey was indeed the one after all. Who's to say he wasn't...but who's to say he was... **

**Did she know?**  
  


* * *

_Feedback please, to: pacey@hockeymail.com___

_

* * *

_


	8. Love, Valor, Madness

Saved  
Chapter 7  
Love, Valor, Madness   
by: Jade 

* * *

  
Disclaimer: _Dawson's Creek_ is not my property.  
  
Author's Note: I suppose this chapter is sorta dedicated to the character of Jen, whom obviously deserved a much better story line than what the writers have given her this season past. Michelle Williams is a great actress and I hope she'll have more of a chance to showcase her talent in Season 4.

* * *

**She had been tidying up his apartment for his return when the telephone rang.  
  
"Turn on the news, Joey."  
  
The grave tone of Jen's voice prevented her from asking any questions before she picked up the remote control and pointed it at the television. When she had it at the right channel her heart slowly lurched at the chaos that was going on at the scene being broadcast.  
  
Sirens were sounding in the background and firefighters were all clambering to put out the fire that was raging from the back half of the plane wreckage. She tried to take in what the reporter was saying-  
  
"Rescue workers are still looking for survivors-"  
  
"Is that his flight?" Jen asked in fear.  
  
"I'm going to the airport," Joey replied, willing herself to remain calm. _He's okay. I know he is_, she told herself. _God please let him be okay._  
  
"I'll meet you there," Jen said.  
  
******

*********

**It took her twenty minutes once she'd arrived to get through the mass of relatives to talk to one of the airline personnel who were shouting to be heard above the din.  
  
"I'm sorry, ma'am. As of now, we have no confirmation of-"  
  
She let out a cry of frustration and turned away. Jen saw her and came up to her side.   
  
"They can't tell us anything!" Joey told her, tears threatening to fall.  
  
"Joey, calm down," Jen advised, although she wasn't feeling the inclination to herself. "Pacey will be fine."  
  
"He's always, _always _doing this to me." She sniffled and started to cry.   
  
Jen wrapped a comforting arm around her and guided her to a corner. "Stay here. I'll force something out of them." She soon came back after some major hassling, bewildered but optimistic. "Pacey wasn't on the flight."  
  
"What?"  
  
"He never checked in. He wasn't on the plane."  
  
Joey absorbed the information in a daze before reacting. "Then where the hell is he?"  
  
"Maybe he was delayed and missed his flight. Or he had to stay on in Houston." She whipped out her cell phone and started dialing. "I'm calling his office, they might know something." She put it to her ear and waited for someone to pick up and kept mumbling, "Come on, come on," as she glanced at her watch, hoping at least one person was working late.  
  
Joey watched on anxiously as someone finally did and Jen related her reason for calling and asked if anyone in the office could tell her if Pacey had been delayed back in Houston. The latter listened quietly to the response on the other end and thanked the person for his help.  
  
"The shoot ended on time. Pacey reported in yesterday but didn't mention a change of plans. If he'd switched flights, they wouldn't know."  
  
"Lend me your phone."  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"If he's stuck at the airport on a later flight, he'd probably have heard about the accident. He might have left a message on the machine." To her disappointment, there were no new messages.  
  
"I should check mine too just in case," Jen said. There was nothing for her either.  
  
"I can't just stay here." Joey closed her eyes, trying to think straight. "I'm going to see if he was on another flight." Jen watched helplessly as she wove her way through the crowd again to the counters, afraid that the latter would come back with news she didn't want to hear.******

**

* * *

**

**It was almost nine o'clock by the time Joey was persuaded by Jen that there was nothing else to do but wait for the airline to call the minute they knew something. They eventually took a cab back into Manhattan.  
  
Joey remained quiet throughout the ride and barely looked up when her doorman called out a greeting. She made it to the elevator in a lifeless manner with Jen hurrying to catch up after paying the cab driver. Outside her apartment, she gave up trying to find her keys in her bag and threw it aside. Jen picked it up and found them, having the door opened within seconds.   
  
"Don't," Joey mumbled as Jen reached for the light switch. She made it to the couch and curled herself into a ball beside the phone.  
  
"Joey," Jen sighed. "You'll feel better after a hot bath." She heard no protest and tried not to bump into anything on the way to Joey's bedroom. She fumbled for the light in there and finally turned it on. What she saw made her gasp. "Oh my God," was her next reaction. It was maybe the fifth time she'd said those words in her entire life. She managed to move her feet back into the living room. ******

**"Joey, I think you'd better see this."  
  
There was no reaction from the couch.   
  
"Joey," Jen repeated more firmly. "I found Pacey."  
  
Joey sat up immediately, disconcerted.  
  
"He's fast asleep on your bed."  
  
In her scramble, Joey nearly fell to the floor. She ran to her room and sure enough, the slumbering figure of Pacey Witter greeted her. She grabbed the nearest pillow and began hitting him with it.  
  
"Awww!" Pacey had no time to register what was happening as he was rudely awakened from his deep sleep. It took him a whole half-minute to establish that Joey was attacking him with a pillow and that she looked really mad. "Hey!" He held down one of her hands but she started shoving him against the headboard with the other. "Jo, stop it!" he yelled. It was then that he noticed Jen standing in the corner, staring at him wide-eyed. ******

**"Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on!"  
  
Jen found her voice again. "We thought you were dead, Pacey."  
  
"What?" He lost his grip on Joey and she gave him a final shove with both her hands and moved away from him to the foot of the bed.   
  
"You know what, Pacey! I don't give a damn if you were lying in a ditch somewhere!" Her voice quivered violently with emotion as she yelled at him.  
  
He was confused beyond words. "Jen, what happened?"  
  
"The flight that you were scheduled to be on _crashed_."  
  
His jaw dropped.   
  
"Where were you?" Jen continued to interrogate, her face a mask of bafflement.  
  
"I- I took an earlier flight on another airline," he fumbled to explain.  
  
Joey turned away but not before giving away that she was crying again.  
  
Jen took this as indication that she should take her leave. "I'm going to go now. God knows I need a drink. But call me," she warned him pointedly that she still wanted a full explanation.  
  
Pacey nodded distractedly. They heard the door close and he got out of bed and came up behind her. "Joey-" He reached out to touch her shoulder but she pushed his hand away. He tried again and managed to turn her around. Her face was wet with tears.  
  
"I'm so sorry," he whispered. He brought her into his embrace and she sobbed into his top.   
  
"Y- you are such a jerk, Wii-tter," she managed to say through her hiccups.  
  
"I know. I'm so sorry."  
  
Her next words made him hug her tighter to him.  
  
"I was so scared."  
  
"I shouldn't have done it." He kissed the top of her head. "But I hated the way we left things the other day and I wanted to get home as soon as I could. So I bought another ticket that would get me in two hours earlier. I came right over but you weren't here. I took a shower and waited for you to get back but I guess I was more tired than I thought."  
  
She raised her face to his. "No," she said shaking her head, "I feel terrible for all those people and for saying this but I'm glad you did what you did."  
  
He cupped her face in his hands and wiped her damp cheeks with his thumb. He leant in to kiss her. Her arms went around his neck and held on tightly as if she were afraid to let him disappear out of sight again.  
  
******

*********

**After coaxing her to sleep, he gently removed his arm from under her, careful not to wake her. He had taken a box out of his coat and as he sat in the dimly lit living room, he opened it and stared at the ring inside. It wasn't anything fancy but he wasn't even sure that she wouldn't think it too much. _What am I saying? She hasn't even said yes_, he thought. In fact, he couldn't even be certain that she wouldn't have preferred to just forget about the whole thing. After what happened that night, he couldn't blame her. Their relationship thus so far had been filled with more tears than smiles.  
  
He was startled when he heard her sleepy voice behind him. "What are you doing?"  
  
He snapped the box shut and pushed it deep between the cushions of the couch. "Nothing," he hastily covered up.  
  
She came round and lay the side of her head on his lap, curling herself into a fetal position. She reached for his hand and held it close to her face. Using his other, he gently ran his fingers through her hair. Her breathing gradually evened out. He leaned over to look and seeing her eyes closed, he kissed her on the temple goodnight.  
  
He continued to play with her hair and when he thought he was in the clear, he carefully dug for the box he'd stuffed beneath.   
_  
_"I was going to say yes, you know," she suddenly said, the sleep gone from her tone.   
  
His hand paused in mid-air with the box.  
  
She turned her face to look up at him, her eyes bright and clear. "I was going to say yes," she repeated. "I'd already made up my mind before what happened today."  
  
He swallowed nervously. "Was?"  
  
She was squeezing his hand, unaware she was doing it. "Do you still want to marry me?" she asked, nervous and apprehensive. "After all that I've put you through?"  
  
His smile slowly grew. "Now more than ever."  
  
She smiled back. "Then my answer's yes. I will marry you."******

**

* * *

**

"What are you doing in town, Dawson?"  
  
His presence at the office had overwhelmed her. Making use of the time between his suggestion they go for dinner and the trip to the restaurant, she had had time to put her incoherent thoughts together.  
  
"Not happy to see an old friend?"  
  
"Of course, I am," she told him. "I'm just surprised, that's all. I had no idea you were in New York. I mean, I haven't exactly got a clue as to how you've been all these years."  
  
"You're not the only one," he said more to himself than to her.  
  
"How are you?"  
  
"Truly?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"I've been better."  
  
"Me too."   
  
"Are they happy?"  
  
Jen sighed, having anticipated the questioning she would be subjected to. "I think you should ask them yourself."  
  
"I'm asking you, Jen." Dawson pleaded with his eyes, "Please."  
  
She didn't know if she did it out of empathy in order to soften the blow or if she was simply no longer sure about what went on in the lives of her friends since she barely had a grasp on her own that she offered a fairly vague response. "I think they're content."  
  
Dawson chuckled in mock humor. "I can't stop thinking about the day I got that phone call from Joey telling me she was getting married. To Pacey, of all people."  
  
She stared quietly into her glass, thinking back to her own reaction when she was first told the news...  
  


~~~~~ 

**"You're kidding, right?" She laughed, hoping they would too but she was greeted by somber expressions. Her face fell. "Please tell me you're kidding."  
  
They couldn't.  
  
She shook her head in despair and walked out of the reception area into her office without another word.  
  
"Let me," Pacey told Joey as she started after Jen whom he followed into the office. He closed the door behind him as he did.  
  
"I cannot believe the two of you are doing this! This is _crazy_." She fought to keep her voice down but it was a struggle.  
  
"I'm asking you to be happy for us," Pacey replied calmly.  
  
"No," she shook her head some more. "_Not_ when I know what this is about. Pacey, you're trying to hold on to her for as long and as tightly as you can and you think marriage is the only way out?"  
  
"You're making this something it's not, Jen."  
  
"Am I?" she challenged. "Haven't you learned _anything_ from the failed marriages we've seen throughout our lives? Do you _even_ remember how painful it is when it all ends?"  
  
"I've already made up my mind and I don't want to discuss this any further," he said, making his way to the door. "Joey and I came here today to ask you for your blessing and if you would be one of the witnesses. What can I tell her?"  
  
Jen dropped to her chair and looked at him for a long moment. "Have you really thought about this, Pacey?" she questioned softly.  
  
He kept his hand on the doorknob and kept silent.  
  
She finally looked away and sighed. "Tell Joey I'm sorry," she said, keeping her gaze carefully averted from his. She heard the soft click of the door closing then she buried her face in her hands.  
  
******

**~~~~~**

She opened the door to her apartment and stopped short at the figure standing by the window.  
  
"Get the hell out of my apartment, Danny," she said coldly.  
  
He made his way toward her. "I'm not leaving until we talk this through."   
  
"There's nothing left for us to talk about."  
  
He searched her face for answers but there were none. "Why are you doing this?" He had taken her by the shoulders, willing her to tell him the truth.  
  
She bit her lip to keep it from quivering. Pushing his hands away she went to sit on the couch. "I'm tired. Please go," she said, not even looking at him.  
  
She continued to sit there long after he'd left. Absently, she started rubbing her stomach; she didn't even know she was crying until she felt a drop of tear fall on her arm. 

* * *

**She opened the door to her apartment and stopped short at the figure standing by the window.  
  
In quick reflex, she picked up the nearest heavy object within her reach, which turned out to be a very expensive crystal vase that had been a gift from a grateful client.   
  
"Who the hell are you and what are doing in my apartment!" She grabbed her cell phone out of her bag with her free hand and started to dial. "I'm calling the police right now."  
  
The man moved out of the shadows and walked toward her. Her hand tightened on the vase and she was about to connect the call through when he spoke.  
  
"Jennifer Lindley, you haven't changed a bit."  
  
She stopped what she was doing and wrinkled her brows. She stared on, as bafflement then shock registered. Instead of putting the vase down and shutting off the phone at recognizing the intruder, she gave him a wry look and warned, "Then you should know I wouldn't hesitate to use either of these." She went on to indicate the objects in her hand with a tilt of her head to each side, saying "But you'll probably worm your way out of prison, courtesy of law school."  
  
He chuckled. Moving unhurriedly to stand before her, he took the vase from her and sighed in amusement. "Don't want to waste this for nothing," he said and put it down.  
  
She made no effort to convince him that his presence was welcomed.  
  
He raised his brow at her phone and it was with great reluctance that she ended the connection and slipped the phone back in her bag. She tried to stare him down but it was her who looked away first. Brushing roughly past him, she dropped her light coat and tote bag onto the couch and demanded to know, hand on hip, "What the hell do you want, Daniel Lerner?"  
  
"Call me Danny," he offered.   
  
She rolled her eyes.   
  
"Okay," he relented. "I'm in town for Pacey and before you say anything, he doesn't know I'm here. I took the key you gave him when he wasn't looking and let myself in."  
  
"You mean you _stole_ the key."  
  
"Oh well, if you want to be pedantic," he mocked. "I've been told that unfair surprise is sometimes the most effective way of getting through to someone."  
  
"Not to mention unethical," Jen replied, returning his gesture with a mock smile of her own that died appropriately in two seconds.  
  
"Look, Pacey really wants you at City Hall tomorrow. He and Joey have been brooding over it for a week now and pretending it wouldn't matter much. You're obviously important to them."  
  
Jen sensed the slight sarcasm behind his words but he apologized with his eyes before she could come up with a retort. Daniel Lerner annoyed the hell out of her. She hated the way he always goaded her into arguments and how his brown eyes would twinkle if he were winning or how guilty he would make her just by the hurt expression in those same eyes if she hit a soft spot with her words. And it didn't help at college that she was constantly plagued by questions from girls who couldn't stop fawning over Pacey or his incredibly handsome roommate.  
  
Women mostly found Pacey irresistible first and foremost because of his devilish charms and sardonic wit. And of course there was that killer smile of his. Danny Lerner, on the other hand...there was just something different about him. For one thing, it didn't take a woman more than a millisecond to see that he was _too _good-looking for his own good. But at times he seemed to hate how he looked. When Pacey became his roommate in sophomore year, she would have had to drop by his dorm on occasion if they had arranged to meet. The first time they met she had been rounding a corner and so had he...from the opposite direction. She'd literally walked into someone whose face was partially blocked by a huge pile of books he was carrying. The books thundered to the floor until there was only one left in that person's hand.   
  
She grimaced apologetically and was about to convey the same in words when she looked up at him and for the first time in her life, was stunned speechless by the sight of a man. And she _thought_ Matthew McConaughey was beautiful. In fact, the guy did look a little like him in _A Time To Kill_, with the gold-rimmed glasses and all minus the light-colored hair. This one had straighter, darker hair.  
  
She opened her mouth to apologize but was cut off by him.  
  
"Are you always this clumsy?" He began picking up his books, barely glancing her way.  
  
She felt indignant by the impatience in his tone. It wasn't as if he hadn't played a part in the incident. She grudgingly bent down to help him. "_We_ walked into each other. It's not like there's a rule that says you had the right of way."   
  
He frowned and finally took a look at the face that the voice belonged to. She picked up the three books closest to her and cocked a brow at the titles of them. "That explains it," she muttered under her breath. They both stood up, him towering over her. With an annoyed tilt of her mouth, she thrust the books back at him and crossed her arms, daring him to put the entire blame on her.  
  
He didn't need to say anything to infuriate her even further. It was what he didn't say but his expression that made it plainly clear. She decided she didn't like him very much even if he was gorgeous. She rolled her eyes heavenward and wrinkled her nose in distaste. As she walked past him, she was tempted to push him and his books to the floor again.  
  
Later she'd made her way to Pacey's room. "Hey Witt-" The rest of her sentence had been cut off by the sheer dread she felt at what she saw as the door was opened. "Just great," she mumbled.  
  
"Well, well, well." He moved aside to let her in. She shook her head at the untimely coincidence as she walked into the room.  
  
"Lindley, what took you so long?" Pacey called from where he was seated on his bed, tying his shoelaces.  
  
"I had to stop by to see a friend from class but not before I had a slight accident with some books." She chose that moment to look pointedly at the other guy in the room and gave him a faked wide smile.  
  
Pacey hadn't noticed anything. He finished with his shoes and grabbed his wallet. "Man, I'm starving," he said. He wrapped Jen up from behind in a bear hug and affectionately ruffled her hair as he placed his chin on her head. "Jen Lindley, meet my roommate, Danny Lerner."  
  
He had taken off his glasses, his rich brown eyes twinkling and at least he had the decency to offer her a warm, attractive smile as he reached for a handshake. Seeing that Pacey couldn't see her face, she preferred not to return the smile. But she was pretty sure he was holding on to her hand on purpose and struggled to pull it back from his, trying to act unaffected.  
  
"Wanna come with us?"   
  
Jen widened her eyes at Pacey's offer. Danny tried to keep from grinning as he politely declined.  
  
"No thanks, Pacey. Got to start working on the reading list."   
  
"Ease up, man. It's our first week back," Pacey quipped.  
  
For a moment, she was afraid he would change his mind.   
  
"Nah," he finally said. "Thanks for asking anyway."  
  
"Okay, want me to get you anything?" Danny shook his head and Pacey held on to Jen's hand, dragging her out. "I'll see you later then," he called back.  
  
"So that's her in person," he said to himself after they were gone. Pacey didn't have many photos on his share of the walls but he'd seen one of the latter with Jen Lindley together. It was apparent that they were close. Shrugging at nothing in particular, he turned his attention back to his books after coming to the conclusion that they were probably going out.  
  
******

*********

**Danny wasn't certain if he'd succeeded in changing her mind. He sat across the table from her, pretending to stir his coffee while he watched her from the corner of his eye. She had changed out of her work clothes into an NYU sweatshirt and loose pants and scrubbed her face clean of makeup. She'd brought her legs up to the chair and tucked them under her chin and was staring out the window, deep in thought.  
  
"I know this must be difficult for you," he started to say.  
  
She turned away from the window toward him.  
  
"Seeing how you feel about Pacey and all."  
  
She frowned. She had no idea how and when the notion started to grow in his head but years ago, she gave up trying to convince Danny that she wasn't secretly in love with Pacey. She kept silent, not wanting to encourage him with a response or reaction.  
  
"They really want you there."  
  
Jen had had a week to think it over since they broke the news to her. She couldn't yet bring herself to condone what they were getting themselves into but she knew that friendship ranked above everything else and what counted at this point in time was how much they needed her approval and blessing and for her to just be there.  
  
"I'll be there," she stated simply.  
  
He smiled. "I was afraid I would have to threaten to seduce Joey as a last resort to force you to turn up," he told her. "Pacey has done it again. The woman's gorgeous."  
  
"You stay away from Joey," she warned protectively.  
  
"There, I knew it'll get to you." He leaned forward, across the table. "_Because_, Jen Lindley, I know no matter what, the only thing you'll ever want for your friends is for them to be happy."  
  
"You're not Joey's type anyway," she smirked. Leaning forward as well, she said, "Besides, Dan Lerner, I know no matter what, you would _never_ make a move on a girl you didn't think felt the same way about you, especially not the love of your best friend's life."  
  
He stared at her for a long time and she began to fidget uncomfortably under his gaze. "You don't know how right you are," he replied quietly.**  
  


* * *

_Feedback please, to: pacey@hockeymail.com___

_

* * *

_


	9. Let Me Call You Sweeheart

Saved  
Chapter 8  
Let Me Call You Sweetheart   
by: Jade 

* * *

  
Disclaimer: _Dawson's Creek_ is not my property.  
  
Author's Note: I got a little stuck at continuing on from the previous chapter after my brain froze from having to study for my finals; I finally finished it after nearly two months. I apologize for the _extreme_ delay. I'm so sorry, guys. Hope you're having a wonderful summer.

* * *

**"She promised she'd be here," Danny told Pacey who kept fidgeting and looking at his watch. "We know Jen, she wouldn't have said anything unless she meant it."  
  
Pacey let out a breath of resignation and patted his friend on the shoulder. "Thanks for talking to her anyway." Danny nodded in response and smiled as Joey walked over to them, taking Pacey's hand.  
  
"Thanks, Danny," she said, returning his smile.   
  
He looked away, almost embarrassed at being shown gratitude for what little he did. He discreetly made his way further down the hall to let them be alone while he silently berated Jen. _She wouldn't do this to me. Would she?_ The thought that she might have told him what she did just to shut him up kept racing through his mind, only to be followed by a shake of the head. _Not Jen Lindley...  
  
"Come in!" He pushed himself away from his desk and turned his chair around on its wheels to greet the visitor.  
  
She walked in, followed by her boyfriend, Jason Feldman, glanced over at Pacey's side of the room and frowned a little when he wasn't there.  
  
"Hey," she said.  
  
"Hey," he answered. "He's caught up in the dark room again."  
  
She sighed. "Thanks." And she left.  
  
He stared on after the closed door, puzzled by the relationship he and Jen shared. If one could call it a relationship. The only thing they had in common was Pacey. One year since they first met and they still could hardly speak more than ten words to each other before getting into an argument about something. Without Pacey around to act as mediator, they tried their best to avoid starting up a conversation in case it turned into verbal abuse. What just transpired was a clear indication of this compromise.  
  
He swung his chair and was about to get back to his work-  
  
"I may live to regret this," she rattled on, coming through the door again. "But I think you should come with us." She stood in the middle of the room, hands on hips and looked as if she couldn't believe what she'd said. "Well, I know you need a break cause Pacey told me so and besides, you need a life."  
  
"I have a life," he replied wryly. "It just doesn't involve excessive partying."  
  
"We're not talking strippers at a frat party. A friend I happen to like is celebrating her birthday, that's all."  
  
He didn't respond.  
  
And she began to feel stupid just standing there. "All right, I get it," she said, finding her way out.  
  
"Wait," he told her. "I'm coming."  
  
He shut down his computer and grabbed his coat.   
  
She raised a brow. "You planning to go like that?"  
  
He looked down at his wrinkled shirt and worn-out jeans. "Why, is this a fancy dress party?" he asked.  
  
She gritted her teeth, knowing he knew he'd look good even in a tutu.  
  
"Whatever, Lerner."  
  
_He heard her coming round the corner from the stairs, running as quickly as she could in her heels. He saw her at the same time Pacey and Joey did and the three of them burst into smiles simultaneously.   
  
Jen reached Pacey and struggled to catch her breath before attempting to explain. "I'm so sorry," she started, "I got here as fast as I could. Work was just horrid. I felt like killing the groom's parents."  
  
Pacey's grin grew wider and he hugged her to him tightly and whispered a thank you and then kissed her on the cheek. She smiled back and was then enveloped into an embrace by Joey.  
  
Danny watched in silence and let out a quiet breath of relief.  
  
******

*********

**_"Oh my God!"   
  
She was dragged by the arm into a corner before she even had time to utter a hello to anyone.   
  
"Is that Danny Lerner?"  
  
"Calm down, Amy. You're turning hysterical." Jen moved a safe distance away from the birthday girl as her arms started flailing about in excitement. "It's just Daniel Lerner, not Tom Cruise."  
  
"Jen, do you have any idea what you're talking about?"  
  
Her expression spelled 'Arghhh!'  
  
"Come on," Amy said, dragging her friend back to her company by the same sore arm. "You've got to introduce us."  
  
So she reluctantly did and within minutes, Amy, along with a couple of other girls had completely monopolized him. She immersed herself in the crowd and got herself a drink, stopping to speak to several people she knew. Jason had long since disappeared with his buddies. She decided she needed a breather and went out of the building to sit by the front steps.   
  
She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard his voice.  
  
"Too much excitement?" He stepped out of the shadows and took a seat beside her.  
  
"Nothing I can't handle," she challenged but soon turned apologetic. "I'm sorry I asked you here. I feel somewhat responsible for the fun you're not having."  
  
"I'm a big boy. It was my choice to come here tonight."  
  
She nodded imperceptibly.  
  
They sat in silence for a couple of minutes before he wondered if she was waiting for him to speak first and was about to but she beat him to it.  
  
"I read your article in Law Review. Pretty impressive."  
  
"Thank you," he didn't hesitate to express. "I'm surprised. What's a history student such as yourself reading Law Review in her spare time?"  
  
"I'm used to hearing about the law," was all she cared to say.  
  
He waited for her to go on. "And?" he finally asked.  
  
"My father's a senior partner at Mason & Green."  
  
"Impressive," he echoed her earlier comment.  
  
She shrugged, as if to convey that it was hardly a big deal. He looked at her profile, finding himself more and more curious. From what he recalled from his conversations with Pacey, Jen had been born and bred in Manhattan until she moved into the town he lived in their sophomore year of high school. Now, he knew one more thing about her.   
  
He guessed her parents were wealthy. "Only child?" he questioned.  
  
"Aren't we inquisitive."  
  
He shrugged.  
  
"Yes," she replied.  
  
He stared ahead into space and as his thoughts were re-focused on his own life and the debts that he'd cumulated over the years that constantly worried him, the words left his mouth.  
  
"Daddy's little girl, huh?"  
  
There had been no intent to pre-judge. He simply made too hasty a remark that should not have left the recesses of his mind in the first place. He opened his mouth to apologize but she'd already stood up, indicating the end of their momentary truce.  
  
"I'm going back in," she said, even-toned and straight-faced. And then she left him sitting there, more puzzled than ever._******

**~~~~~**

**The hand on her shoulder brought on an uneasiness that she kept from showing in her expression as she smiled at the person that it belonged to.  
  
Joey didn't say a word before she leaned forward to hug her friend.  
  
Jen responded by squeezing her lightly in reassurance before pulling back.   
  
"Congratulations."  
  
"Thank you, Jen." Joey smiled distractedly as she looked back to where her husband and his best friend were waiting for their table at the entrance of the restaurant. Jen had walked farther down closer to the water and Joey followed.  
  
"Is something wrong?" Jen asked.  
  
"Don't take this the wrong way." Joey looked at Pacey again. "I'm not regretting what I've done. I don't want to take anything back."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I'm scared." She chuckled. "A little late to admit it, I know but as much as I'm looking forward to this new life, I'm terrified of what I don't know could happen."  
  
"There is so much more you have to learn about Pacey. So much you missed. Don't waste your time worrying about the things that are out of your control."  
  
Joey nodded and her eyes fell briefly to the ground before they returned to meet Jen's. "You know, besides having shown me his old hangouts and telling me about how hard he had to work to catch up when he stumbled upon the joy of photography and decided to switch majors, he hardly talks about his college years. I mean, he's mentioned Danny, of course. And you. A little here and there but never anything much."  
  
"Danny proved to be a more than an adequate friend after Dawson." It was difficult for the truth to be heard out loud but Jen felt it had to be done. "It hurt Pacey that he'd hurt Dawson so much when he fell in love with you. And it still hurts him. But he knows that he's got to let it go if he wants to live his life."  
  
Joey was silent.  
  
"Can you?" Jen continued.  
  
"Can I what?" she asked, dazed.  
  
"Can you let it go?"  
  
"I long to," she said somberly. "I really do."******

**

* * *

**

**"I'll be fine," she told him as he followed her out of the cab.   
  
He barely indicated that he'd heard her at all as he paid the cabby his fare and slammed the rickety door shut.  
  
Jen was too tired to protest and wordlessly allowed him to follow her up to her apartment. "I've been through more today than I have in most weeks. Don't goad me into an argument, please." With that, she threw her bag into a corner as she walked into her bedroom. She fell face down onto her bed and grabbed a pillow and covered her head with it.  
  
When she didn't hear retreating footsteps, she turned onto her back and peeked from under the pillow. He was still standing by the doorway.   
  
"All right, I give up."  
  
He didn't respond and instead took a seat by her on the bed. He didn't look at her but at some imaginary spot in the distance.  
  
"You know, I'd rather fight with you than engage in some silent battle."  
  
He blinked to that but still remained looking ahead.  
  
"Danny? Hey, Danny." She nudged him in the gut.   
  
"Hmm," he mumbled and he finally turned to look at her. "I gotta go." His troubled eyes told her nothing as he distractedly stood up.  
  
She squinted in puzzlement and used her elbows to push herself up against the headboard.   
  
He was out the room when he came right back in and planted a kiss on her. She was too shocked to react and by the time she regained use of her brain, his lips had already left hers.   
  
"I'll see you around," he said and then he turned off the light in the room, leaving an eerie glow from the lights outside. And seconds later she heard the front door close.  
  
She lifted her fingers and grazed her lips with them, wondering what the hell just happened.  
  
******

*********

**Ten blocks away, Pacey was making like he was reading the magazine he held in his hands but he was actually attuned to every movement that his wife was making in the bathroom, getting ready for bed. He dropped the magazine on his lap and shook his head in amazement. "My wife," he chuckled.   
  
"What's so funny?" she asked, walking to the dresser to take her hairbrush. She ran it through her tangled tresses. When she was done she made no motion to move away from the mirror as she looked past her reflection at his.  
  
He smiled. "I'm just happy."  
  
She turned around and got under the bed covers. He put the magazine on the nightstand by the lamp and intuitively swung his arm out for her to cuddle close and rest her head on his chest.  
  
"Are you regretting this yet?" she mumbled.  
  
"No," he replied, playing with her hair.  
  
"Promise you won't get angry."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"About what I'm going to say next." She lifted her head to look at him. "I know what couples are supposed to do on their wedding nights but I really just feel like cuddling."  
  
He wrinkled his brows, his expression one of confusion. "I'm afraid I don't quite get it. _What_ are couples supposed to do on their wedding night?"  
  
As predicted, she blushed and he started laughing.  
  
She reached over and pinched his arm. "You enjoy this way too much," she chided.  
  
"Okay, I'll stop. But seriously, isn't this sort of no-sex pact supposed to take place only after we've been married, I don't know, long enough for my wife to realize that seeing me in the can with the door opened, reading a newspaper is no longer sexy?"  
  
She rolled her eyes and smacked him in the chest this time. But she was trying really hard not to laugh.  
  
He couldn't keep a straight face either. She gave up and returned to her original position of resting her face against his chest.   
  
"You know," she said after a moment, "It's been a particularly good day for me." She sat up and leaned over to kiss him.  
  
He lost himself in it until he decided he'd better stop if he was planning to keep his promise tonight. He pulled away gently from her and reached to turn the lamp off. They slid further under the covers and snuggled comfortably and closely to go to sleep. He kissed her on the temple.  
  
"Goodnight, sweetheart," he told her.  
  
**

* * *

_Feedback please, to: pacey@hockeymail.com___

_

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_


	10. Someone Still Believes In You

Saved  
Chapter 9  
Someone Still Believes In You   
by: Jade 

* * *

  
Disclaimer: _Dawson's Creek_ is not my property.  
  
Author's Note: It's been a while, I know. Re-read the first half of Part Three if you have to; it'll help you recollect and connect it to this chapter.

* * *

"You weren't at the office. They told me you called in sick."  
  
"It's no big deal," she waved off, "A little under the weather, that's all."  
  
Joey regarded her friend with a smile and glanced over at the coffee table. She took a deep breath and released it softly and slowly. "How far along are you?" she asked.  
  
Jen's eyes widened in surprise. "Two months," she told her and looked away.  
  
"Danny doesn't know." It was more of a statement than a question.  
  
"Did he ask you to come see me?"  
  
"We talked. He was worried, so was I."  
  
"Are you going to tell him?"  
  
Joey shook her head. "I think it should come from you."  
  
"I don't intend to tell him."  
  
"Jen..."  
  
She moved to the window. "I know Danny's type. He doesn't want to be tied down and if I tell him, it'll back him into a corner. He'll take responsibility and he'll resent me for ruining the rest of his life." Jen's voice started to quiver. "Don't you understand, Joey? I _don't_ want to be the reason he's unhappy."  
  
"Jen," Joey started, standing up as well and walked over to stand beside Jen. "Danny's not a _type_. He's him. If you gave him half a chance, you'd see how much he loves you."  
  
"I can't," Jen insisted.  
  
"Are you planning to keep the baby?"  
  
Jen crossed her arms and squeezed her eyes shut. "I don't know. I just don't know." When she opened her eyes again, they were shimmering with unshed tears. "My decision not to tell Danny has nothing to do with making it easier on myself if I chose not to have this child."  
  
"I know you. That's the last thing I would have thought."  
  
"What gave me away?" Jen asked, after a pause.  
  
"The crackers and the herbal tea on the table. You don't drink tea."  
  
She chuckled. "In fact, I hate it. But it's one of two things that's keeping me from puking my insides out every morning."  
  
"I know how you feel."  
  
Jen turned to Joey and sighed. "I'm sorry," she said, reaching out to take Joey's hand. "I forgot."  
  
"It's okay," Joey reassured her. "Really."  
  
"No, it's not."  
  


~~~~~ 

**She swallowed back her nausea as she watched her husband devour his breakfast.  
  
"Not hungry?" he managed between bites.  
  
"No," she said, "But you obviously are."  
  
He took a sip of his orange juice and wiped his mouth. "You feeling okay? You're looking a little pale."  
  
"It could be the flu."  
  
"Call in sick. I'll take you to the doctor's."  
  
"No, you won't, it's just a bug. You miss two hours of work and you're going to be so behind."   
  
"Then promise me you'll take the day off and go see the doctor." He kept his gaze on her until she reluctantly gave in. "Okay, but I'm only calling in for a couple of hours."  
  
"You drive a hard bargain, Potter." He kissed her goodbye and she walked him to the door and watched as he disappeared down the hallway. Before he descended down the flight of stairs, he turned one last time and flashed her a smile. She returned it and the minute he was out of sight, she swung the door and didn't wait to make sure it closed before hurrying to make it to the bathroom in time.   
  
******

*********

**"There must be some mistake," she stated simply. "The test can't be right."  
  
"I'll stake my reputation as a physician for the last twenty-five years on this one." The doctor handed a prescription over to her assistant who promptly left the room. "Joey, I take it this pregnancy wasn't planned?"  
  
She conceded as much with a short chuckle and a shake of her head. "This can't be happening." In a softer and more dismal tone, she muttered, "This is the last thing we need right now."  
  
Dr. Molly Keaton shook her out of her reverie. "Joey, I'm speaking to you as a friend and asking that you come talk to me before you decide to do anything."  
  
Joey looked at the doctor as if she hadn't heard a word.   
  
"I got to go."******

**

* * *

**

"Are you sure you want to talk about it?"  
  
"No time better than now."  
  
They took their seats on the couch again. Jen waited.  
  
"Under the circumstances we got together, we just weren't ready-" Joey paused. "It would have been unfair-" She clamped a hand over her mouth as she tried to compose herself. "-umm..." Her voice had become hoarse and her eyes red.   
  
"Joey, let's not-"  
  
"I still feel guilty," she went on. "I look at Pacey in the morning and sometimes the first image that jumps out at me is the expression on his face when I told him I'd made my decision."  
  
"Pacey understood."  
  
"Did he?" Joey watched the doubt cloud Jen's eyes. "Maybe he was just too good a man to stop his wife from having her right to choose."  
  


~~~~~ 

**She'd finally told him five days after she'd seen the doctor. After she had time to think.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
He was momentarily speechless and then he laughed. "I thought we were careful all this time."  
  
She gave a slight shrug, distracted.   
  
"I guess not careful enough." He wanted to be beaming from ear to ear but he tried hard to control it as he noticed she didn't exactly share his sentiments.  
  
"Is something wrong?" he asked cautiously.  
  
When it came to Pacey, she knew little else but to be honest. She held his gaze and spoke softly but clearly.  
  
"I'm not sure I want to keep it."  
  
"What?" But he had heard her.  
  
"I don't think we're ready to be parents, "she said, starting to cry. "I don't want to screw up this child's life." He took her into his arms. "I'm so sorry," she said between heartrending sobs. "I just can't do this. Not now."  
  
"It's okay, sweetheart. It's okay," he told her.   
  
But a voice at the back of his mind told him it wasn't.******

**~~~~~**

**He glanced over at her. She was still looking out the window that had been wound halfway down. Pulling his eyes back to the road ahead, he begged inwardly for a higher power to take the pressure away from his chest that was suffocating him.   
  
Water. She wanted to be close to the water.  
  
That morning, they had started out toward the eastern seaboard. It almost felt like they were headed back to pay their families a visit.  
  
Almost.  
  
They had been on the road for nearly three hours. And for three hours, he felt like screaming. He wasn't blaming her, some part of him knew she was right. It wasn't his fault either but it didn't make what they were about to do any less painful.  
  
He never prayed. But this day, he found himself asking for help. _Praying_ they would lose their way and never find the place.   
  
Then asking to be spared from the pain if they did.  
  
He slowed the car down and came to a complete stop. They remained in the seats motionless for a minute. He wrung his hands and looked down at them on his lap. She was still staring into space and he didn't notice as she hastily brushed a single tear away. She pressed a button and watched the window close then got out of the car. He did too.   
  
She didn't move more than a few steps, her eyes seeming as though they were looking through the walls of the building and into what was beneath them.  
  
He took her hand and squeezed it. She squeezed it back.  
  
And they made their way up the steps.******

**

* * *

**

"I never really said thank you for that day."  
  
"It was the least I could do." Jen reached forward and squeezed her arm briefly.   
  
They lapsed into silence again. Joey's mind wandered and she said quietly and almost absently, "If you decide that you do want to have the baby, you have to tell Danny. Because when this child grows up, he's going to want to know who his father is. And more than anything else in the world he has the right to at least know that."

~~~~~ 

**They'd made an appointment for two days later. The night before the procedure was to take place, she sat him down and told him, "Pacey, I would like to go alone."  
  
He understood. She hadn't been able to look him directly in the eye for awhile now. Not since the day she told him she was pregnant.   
  
"I'll be waiting," he said. "Here, for you."  
  
She got out of bed early the next morning, careful not to wake him. She knew he hadn't fallen asleep until about an hour ago when he had stopped tossing and turning.   
  
The time she spent on the train allowed her to process the events of the last week. She thought about her husband...their marriage...their lives..._their baby_... For the past month, they had been preparing for the move to the new apartment, Pacey had been in ongoing negotiations for a better-paying job with another company that he didn't quite like and she was scrambling to handle her steadily increasing workload. She couldn't think straight; she hardly had time to think, if at all. It was ironic that when she was finally given the chance to, the last thing she wanted to do was slow down and allow herself to dwell on her life and the choices in it.   
  
So she turned her attention to the couple who looked to be in their fifties sitting a few rows down. The wife was nagging her husband about how much fat he was injecting into his body by consuming the huge burger and the even bigger bag of fries. Instead of reacting to her high shrieks, the man leaned over and planted an oily kiss on his wife's mouth and then continued to chomp. His wife shrieked even louder but then gradually gave in to his sweet talk as she affectionately patted his paunch and went back to reading her magazine.  
  
Joey smiled and turned away from her momentary distraction back to the beautiful scenery outside that didn't quite capture her.  
  
******

*********

**Dr. Lisa Randall came up by her bed right after the nurse had administered a relaxant.  
  
"Like I'd explained that day, it's a simple procedure called dilatation and evacuation," the doctor said. "Complications are rare with D&E at this stage. It won't take long but when you wake up, you're going** **to feel pretty groggy and weak on your feet. Have you arranged for a ride home?"  
  
"Yes." She nodded, already starting to feel drowsy.  
  
"Okay, just relax. This will be over soon."  
  
She nodded again and closed her eyes.******

**

* * *

**

**Jen reached over to brush a lock of hair away from Joey's forehead. The latter had opted to sit in the front rather than rest in the backseat so Jen tried to make her feel as comfortable as possible by pushing the passenger seat back as far as it could go and gently ordered Joey to take it easy and go to sleep. It took quite a bit out of her to smile and reassure her friend, knowing she looked and felt awful and was less than convincing.   
  
She drifted in and out of sleep and her mind was eddying with words and faces-  
  
_"Most women feel relieved after an abortion. Some feel sadness, guilt, anger or regret for a short time. These feelings are most likely the result of abrupt changes to the hormone levels_ _as a result of the ending of the pregnancy. There are also feelings related to the social burdens of having an abortion. More severe emotional reactions tend to occur in women who wanted the pregnancy but would have suffered health risks if they continued with it."  
  
Dr. Keaton took her hand. "It doesn't make you a bad person not to want this pregnancy."  
  
She saw Pacey next and he opened his mouth to speak but she couldn't hear what he was saying. She kept shouting, "I can't hear you," but he shook his head in disappointment at her refusal to respond and finally walked away...  
  
_She opened her eyes with a start. She was still in the car, surrounded by honking coming from all directions and she knew she was almost home...where she wasn't certain she wanted to be so soon. If Pacey hated her...  
  
******

*********

**He was pacing the lobby of their apartment block and driving the doorman crazy. "Mr. Witter, I could buzz you the minute I see the missus."  
  
Pacey shook his head and waved the suggestion aside. He walked out of the building and then walked back in for the thousandth time that afternoon. The doorman sighed and left him be.  
  
He heard an engine stall outside and looked through one-half of the glass doors. He saw Jen backing up to park and forced his heart to slow down. The doorman saw his expression and opened the door for him. "Fred, the glass needs to be cleaned," he said distractedly.   
  
He walked out to the sidewalk and paused in his step. He could see Joey through the windshield and she looked right back at him. Jen got out of the car and glanced from person to person. She walked over to Joey's side and opened the door, ready to help Joey out but Pacey stopped her.  
  
"Let me."  
  
He had spent the whole morning worrying about how she'd feel after it was over. Would she ever look at him the way she used to? Would she recoil at his touch? Questions he couldn't get out of his mind. He was even more afraid of asking himself how he felt; he didn't want to go there. All he wanted to do was to be there for her and the last thing she needed was a guilt trip triggered by any emotion he might accidentally convey. He made certain his feelings were to be kept in check.   
  
He loved her. He loved her so much. There was nothing else but love he felt at that moment as he gazed at her.   
  
She looked like she was about to cry. He bent forward and she made a move to step out, mistaking his intention to help her to her feet but he gathered her weight in his arms instead. "Come on, sweetheart," he whispered in her hair as he lifted her effortlessly.   
  
Joey sought comfort in her husband, the last person she thought she would, at this point in time. She leaned in closer and breathed in his scent.   
  
Jen looked on, a sad smile on her face. She grabbed Joey's bag, locked up the car and followed them.  
  
**

* * *

_Feedback please, to: pacey@hockeymail.com___

_

* * *

_


	11. Think Twice

Saved  
Chapter 10  
Think Twice   
by: Jade 

* * *

  
Disclaimer: _Dawson's Creek_ is not my property.  
  
Author's Note: I know, this is way overdue. Saying sorry is not going to be enough but sorry nonetheless J Am I forgiven yet?

* * *

He stopped and retraced his position two steps back. His eyes were at a perfect angle to the diamond bracelet that he watched sparkle through the looking glass.   
  
"Hmmm," he absently mumbled. Then he shook his head and continued on his way, moving the weight of his bag from one shoulder to another.  
  
"Excuse me. Sorry," he apologized, just having avoided bumping into a mother with a stroller, only to collide shoulders with a harried-looking man on his way back to the office from lunch hour. "Sorry," he called out again. The man barely heard him.  
  
He was back in Chicago. He loved it really and he got along with the staff at the office there but he hated to be away from her for too long. Lest his imagination strayed-  
  
_What the hell am I thinking, _he berated himself.  
  


***** 

"There's only so long you can run from me, Joey."  
  
She didn't even try to avoid his ambush outside her office building this time round.   
  
"Can we go some place?"   
  
She silently nodded.  
  


***** 

"Okay, gang. Let's get going."  
  
The room was already bustling with activity as Pacey came through the door and began assembling his equipment. He was so engrossed in his task that he didn't hear the room go silent. When he'd finished and looked up, he realized that the star of the shoot had arrived and was getting ready to be fussed by the makeup and costume department.   
  
Conversation resumed once she walked through to her dressing room.  
  
"She's pretty," he commented.   
  
"Pretty?" One of the technical assistants on the set looked at him as if he'd committed sacrilege. "Are you crazy, Pacey? Anna Housman is like the most beautiful woman and the most talented actress ever to grace planet earth."  
  
"If you say so, Rob," he replied with his eye on the camera, checking its lenses.  
  
"Still not quite the one to follow the norm huh, Witter?"  
  
He jolted slightly at the voice. _Could it be_? He turned around slowly.  
  
"Hey gorgeous." She smiled that familiar smile that withstood time.  
  
He stood there, incredulous. 

* * *

"What do you want to talk about, Dawson?" she asked wearily.  
  
"I want to talk about us."  
  
"There is no _us_."  
  
"Fine, I want to talk about an _us_ that _was_," he snapped.  
  
Her voice developed a jagged edge of its own. "You knew coming here was going to cause problems and you did it anyway."  
  
"Isn't a stable relationship, especially a marriage, supposed to survive that?"   
  
She shook her head in dismay and avoided looking directly at him.  
  
"You may find it hard to believe but I didn't come with the intention of wreaking havoc in your life. I only came because I was sure there's still something unresolved between us. And the fact that you can't look me in the eye just confirms that."  
  
And to disprove his observation she gathered her courage to focus her gaze upon him. "Dawson there's nothing there anymore. I got married. It's _over_."  
  
He shook his head at her declaration. "I shouldn't have taken that job and left you. That was the second biggest mistake I made."  
  
She fought against the urge to ask.  
  
He didn't hesitate to add. "The biggest mistake I ever made in this lifetime was not asking you to marry me."  
  
She had to look away.   
  
He took her by her squared shoulders and turned her to face him. "Just tell me I still have a chance and I'll wait. No matter how long it takes."  
  
Tears welled up in her eyes. She opened her mouth but she couldn't find the words to say, instead sobs escaped. She then cried into his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her and planted a light kiss in her hair.  
  
They stayed like this on the bench even after the park became quiet of kids who were disappearing one by one as they got called home by their mothers for dinner.   
  


***** 

Pacey watched her expertly devour her salad.  
  
"Andie McPhee," he said, having taken a sip of his soup. "You disappear for almost forever and then jump right back into my line of sight."  
  
"Pacey Witter. You go out and get married and forget to invite _me_, no less, to your wedding. And to think I used to be in love with you."  
  
They laughed.  
  
"You've changed," he said, after a moment's thought.  
  
"It's the hair," she replied, patting her elegantly coiffeured do. "I picked up some tips living in Italy so long."  
  
"Not that."  
  
"The clothes?" She smiled widely. "Maybe it's the husbands."  
  
He lifted a brow. "Sounds like you've been leading a pretty exotic life."  
  
She shrugged.  
  
She didn't seem particularly anxious to elaborate on what she had been doing for the past ten years so he didn't push. "How did you find out I was married?"  
  
"I have my sources," she whispered, trying to be mysterious.  
  
"Right," he said, "Jackers."  
  
"You spoil my fun," she complained.   
  
He grinned. "When did you last talk to your brother?"  
  
She waited for the waiter to clear their table before answering, "Friday. I only got into Chicago the week before and was staying with a friend until my own place was ready."  
  
"That friend's Anna Housman?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Hmmm." They watched the waiter come back with their main course and place the food before them. "Where were you then before this?"  
  
She let out a deep breath as if she were prepping herself to make a confession. "Drunk and married."  
  
"Andie-"  
  
"No, no. I'm fine now," she hurried to assure. "Anywhere has got to be better than where they force you to take meds that make you sicker than you first were. But thanks to my recent divorce, I can now afford this new house of mine where I'm recuperating from the experience. So you see it's turned out for the best."  
  
"Why didn't you call me?" he asked quietly.   
  
She laughed. "And what would I have told you?" She reached across the table to squeeze his hand briefly. "You still worry too much about me."   
  
"Old habits die hard," he admitted.  
  
"Damn Witter, you're still a charmer." She kept her eyes on his somber face until he finally couldn't resist her smile. "That's good," she encouraged. "I want to see more teeth."  
  


***** 

"I wasn't just making conversation when I said you've changed."   
  
"I know." She indicated to him that his ice cream was melting and he licked up a drop threatening to slide down his cone and onto his fingers.  
  
Andie took one last bite of hers and threw the remainder into a trash can. He followed suit and took the napkin she offered.  
  
"Things change. People change, Pacey. We're a lot older now. I'm no longer a perky teenager nor are you the same person I knew in high school."  
  
"Maybe. Maybe not."   
  
"Cryptic," she teased.   
  
"Maybe, maybe not," he repeated, smiling.  
  
"Imagine my surprise," she said, "when I found out you were a famous celebrity photographer."  
  
"I'm not famous," he defended.  
  
"If you say so, old friend." She switched her gaze to the harbor. "There was only so far the pills would take me," she continued to say. "Times were getting tougher. One day, I discovered alcohol."  
  
"Are things better now?"  
  
"I hope so. I think so."  
  
"If there's anything you need, you know you can come to me."  
  
"Maybe there is something you can do for me."  
  
"What?" he asked anxiously.  
  
She beamed at his seriousness. "You can tell me how on earth you ended up married to Joey."

* * *

"I don't want to hear this, Dawson. Don't tell it to me."  
  
"Jen-"  
  
"No, I don't want to become a part of this."  
  
"Please, I just need someone to talk to. You can pretend you don't hear me."  
  
"Argh," she said, exasperated. "You know, sometimes I wish my father had sent me to boarding school in Switzerland instead of Capeside to live with Grams."  
  
"No, you don't."  
  
"You guys drive me nuts."  
  
"Trust me, I wish the situation was less complicated."  
  
"Dawson..." She paused, deliberating on whether to tell him what was on her mind. "You and Pacey have been good friends to me for a long time. I'm not taking any sides here, don't misunderstand what I'm about to say."  
  
"Okay."   
  
"The truth is I haven't seen you in ages but I've seen Pacey every other week the last half of my life. I've been with him through college, girlfriends, jobs...marriage. I'm not making light of your situation. But I know he's happy with Joey, the happiest I've seen him."  
  
"So you want me to back off?"  
  
She sighed. "Dawson you got to try to understand." She pinched the bridge of her nose and shut her eyes. "If he could have had it any other way he'd want your friendship back the way it was."  
  
"It doesn't matter anymore." He gave her a long look. "Are you feeling all right? You're turning a little pale."   
  
"I'm fine, I got very little sleep last night."  
  
"I'll get you a glass of water."  
  
He got up to go to the kitchen. The phone rang then. "Aren't you going to get that?" he asked after a couple of rings.  
  
Jen shook her head. The machine picked up but the caller didn't wait to leave a message. She heaved a quiet sigh of relief and took the glass Dawson handed to her.  
  
"I'll leave you to rest," he said, picking up his coat. "I'll see you soon, okay?" He leaned over and pecked her on the cheek.  
  
"Dawson," she stopped him before he walked out. "What are you going to do?"  
  
"I'll wait. In the end, it's only what Joey wants that matters."   
  


***** 

She sat distractedly on the bed after her shower, tugging at her wet strands of hair with a towel, staring at her dresser. She walked over to it and dropped to her knees, opening the last drawer. She took out a box and brought it back to the bed where she emptied it. She held the photographs in her hand and looked through them one by one.   
  
Her mouth tilted in a small smile as she grazed the blond hair of the boy standing beside her in one picture.  
  


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	12. The Two of Us

Saved  
Chapter 11  
The Two of Us   
by: Jade 

* * *

  
Disclaimer: _Dawson's Creek_ is not my property.  
  
Author's Note: In this chapter the focus is once again on the character of Jen Lindley. Read on and find out about a significant episode from her past.

* * *

"Hello dearie."  
  
Jen smiled warmly at the elderly woman who reminded her of Grams. "Hello," she responded.  
  
"Do you mind if I ask how many months are you?"  
  
She instinctively raised a hand to the slight swell of her abdomen beneath her loose-fitting clothes. "Close to three."  
  
"My granddaughter's eight months herself. Any day now," the woman could barely contain her excitement as she proudly proclaimed, "my first grandchild will be born."   
  
"Congratulations."  
  
"Is this your first one?" Jen nodded to her question, to which she said, "I'm sure your family's just as excited."  
  
She simply smiled and gestured a goodbye as the woman stood up, having seen her granddaughter leave the examining room and made her way to the reception counter with her.   
  
Jen wondered what Grams would say about her current situation if she were still alive. Probably disapproved that she hadn't got married first.  
  
"Jennifer Lindley?"  
  
She looked up at the nurse who called her name in the waiting room and followed the latter into the doctor's office.  
  


***** 

She finally let out the breath she had been holding outside the clinic. She had made her decision and there was little time left for her to change her mind now. A couple of voices coming down the hallway toward the elevators distracted her from her thoughts.  
  
"You should have seen a doctor before this."  
  
"I told you I was fine."  
  
"Oh yeah," the college girl replied sarcastically, "you felt so good, you nearly fainted in my arms."  
  
The boy with her started coughing and groaned immediately at the effort it took having done that.  
  
"Serves you right," she lectured but her face told a different story. She relented and took his arm gently as he lightly leant against her for support.   
  
"Do I look as bad as I feel?" he asked raspy.  
  
"Worse."  
  
She felt nostalgic watching them. The girl sensed that someone was looking her way and turned. Jen's gaze dropped to her feet in slight embarrassment. The girl stared on curiously but was distracted by the sound of the elevator arriving. Jen decided to wait this one out.  
  
****

**~~~~~**

**She reached out to knock on the door but it opened beneath the weight of her knuckles. "Hello," she called out. "It's Jen."  
  
She took tentative steps into the room until she was sure there was no one around that she would unnecessarily shock or surprise. Pacey's side was in its natural state of habitation, she concluded. She wondered how on earth she was going to find the CDs she lent him in the mess. Her roommate Alice needed them for her party tonight and she had promised after all.   
  
Only Pacey knew where his things were. He had to be away this weekend just when she needed his sense of order. She bent down and began to pick dirty laundry off the floor and saw something she didn't really want to see and threw his shirts back over it.   
  
"Urgh," she grimaced. "Oh man, what have I done to deserve this." A sudden noise behind her nearly threw her off her momentum and into the mess. She turned around and saw Danny blowing his nose. He looked like he was going to say something to her but changed his mind and fell back on his bed instead.   
  
She cautiously approached and stopped at the foot of the bed. "Are you okay?" she finally asked tentatively.  
  
"Couldn't be better," he replied dryly, his eyes closed.   
  
Jen rolled her eyes at the obvious dismissal and went back to her ransacking. She managed to ignore his coughing and heaving for a minute before she took charge. Without waiting for an invitation, she sat by him on the bed and laid the back of her hand to his forehead.  
  
He was burning up.   
  
"Have you seen a doctor?"  
  
"I don't believe in doctors," he muttered.  
  
"I bet you don't believe you're really sick either," she said sardonically.  
  
He opened his reddened and teary eyes then and said through a stuffed nose. "Do you think it's appropriate to be sarcastic at this time?"   
  
"Spoken like a true lawyer," she grumbled, unable to help feeling sympathetic. "Come on, I'm taking you to the clinic."   
  
He tried to protest but he couldn't really gather the strength to do much but say weakly, "I took something. All I need is sleep."  
  
"What you need is a prescription." She propped him and struggled to help him stand up. Danny Lerner was by no means a small man, especially in comparison to her size.   
  
She succeeded in getting him downstairs and into a cab. He was pretty much only semi-conscious throughout the journey, his head lolling on her shoulder. She tried to keep it there for awhile but finally allowed him to slide further down and rest his head on her lap. He mumbled something and then seemed to lapse out of reality.  
  
Jen watched him and wondered why she felt this compulsion to make sure he would be all right. She reached out to brush his hair from his forehead and the dark bags under his eyes told her he had had a couple of sleepless nights. He mumbled something again. She took his cold and clammy hand and whispered, "Hey, everything's going to be okay."**

* * *

She was roused out of her reverie by another train passing the one she was in. She looked out at the station they'd stopped at and was grateful she hadn't missed her own stop in all her daydreaming.   
  
Five minutes later, she was walking out of the subway station into daylight again. Feeling the need to cheer herself up, she bought some flowers to brighten up the office. And as she was turning a corner, someone shouted a warning and she instinctively protected herself first by moving out of the way of an incoming trolley of heavy-looking but rather harmless cargo. She sighed after that and picked up the bunch of flowers she had flung aside. They seemed to be in better shape than her, she thought as she dusted their petals. She laid a hand lightly onto her stomach and muttered, "We're okay, kid but your Mom's becoming paranoid."  
  
She got to the office with no further incident and called for her assistant to fill her in for the day. "A Mrs. McGarry stopped by about an hour ago, asking to see you."  
  
"McGarry?" She didn't recall a client, old or potentially new by that name. "Did she say what it was about?"  
  
"No. She just asked when you'd be back and if she could see you as soon as you're available. I told her later this afternoon. Is that all right?"  
  
Jen nodded and began to work herself into a stupor for the day.  
  
****

*********

**It wasn't easy taking him to the doctor's and then bringing him back but she did it. As she handed him some capsules and a glass of water in his dorm room, she told him "These are going to put you to sleep but you're going to feel a thousand times better later."  
  
He threw them into the back of his mouth and took a gulp of water and then leaned back against the pillows, looking at her.  
  
She was suddenly conscious of the fact that there was nothing else for her to do. "Errm, I think I'm just going to go-"  
  
"Weren't you looking for something among Pacey's heap before I interrupted?"  
  
"I don't think Alice is going to mind. I'm never going to find anything under there anyway."  
  
"Try the first drawer at his desk. He sometimes keeps the stuff he borrows from me there."   
  
She followed his advice and opened it. Underneath some papers, she found the CDs and held them up in mid-air. "Thanks," she said, smiling. She was about to close the drawer when she spotted some photographs. Seeing herself, she picked them up and smiled further at what she saw. She almost didn't recognize herself at fifteen and then another one snapped when they were joking around at school a year later. She remembered how much Pacey had been flirting with her when she first got to Capeside and the brief sex pact they had going in junior year and laughed quietly. She sat herself down on his chair and looked through the rest. She kept the smile on her face as she saw his prom picture with Andie. When she came to the last one in the pile, her smile wavered and her brows knotted in a subsequent frown. It was one of him with Dawson and Joey. They looked so young and happy and she had to remind herself it wasn't really so long ago that the three of them were still the best of friends. She put the photos back and shut the drawer.  
  
"Pacey showed them to me once," Danny said. "You look nice in those pictures."  
  
"I looked terrible," she said, almost absently.   
  
"Nah, you didn't" he responded softly.   
  
She looked toward him. "Thanks," she said gently.  
  
"Is something wrong?" he noted.  
  
"No." She got up from the chair and walked back to Danny's side. "Those photos brought back some memories."  
  
"A picture speaks a thousand words. You and Pacey are close."  
  
"Yeah," she conceded. "We are."  
  
"Have you ever thought-" he began and then hesitated to finish what he was going to say.  
  
She raised a brow. "Thought what?"  
  
"Nothing."   
  
She didn't push him and instead stood up to survey her surroundings. "You don't mind if I look around, do you?" she asked.  
  
"Just as long as you don't ask too many questions," he half-joked.  
  
Jen ran her fingers through the spines of the books on his shelf. From that she knew he had eclectic tastes in reading at least. She moved to his desk and picked up a photo frame. The teenager in it was holding up a large fish he'd probably caught from the river behind him and was grinning proudly at the camera. "Who's this?" she questioned.  
  
He kept quiet a long time before she looked back at him and realized he was staring, somewhat in surprise at her. He started to frown.   
  
"Did I say something wrong?" she added.  
  
"No," he recovered to say. "That's my brother."   
  
"Older or younger?"  
  
"Younger."  
  
"What grade is he in?"  
  
"He died three years ago."  
  
She silently berated herself for being so inquisitive. "I'm really sorry."  
  
"It's okay." He shrugged. "It's been awhile." But even as he reassured her it was so, his face told a different story. The wound was still fresh.  
  
"You know what," she hastily said, "I ought to get back and leave you to sleep it off."   
  
"Thanks for today," he told her.  
  
"No problem," she replied.**

**"I mean it," he added.**

**"I know." She smiled and left. **

**He closed his eyes and when he fell asleep, he dreamt of his brother again.  
  
**

***** 

"Jen, Mrs. McGarry's here."  
  
"Send her in," Jen replied into the intercom.  
  
She straightened her jacket and tried to ignore her aching feet as she stood up to greet the visitor.  
  
The woman who entered the room looked vaguely familiar but Jen didn't recognize her until she came closer and spoke.  
  
"I didn't leave a first name in case you remembered. Do you remember me, Jen?"   
  
Jen closed her eyes momentarily. She sighed and looked right back at her. "Yes. You're Danny's aunt."  
  


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_


	13. The More Loving One

Saved  
Chapter 12  
The More Loving One   
by: Jade 

* * *

  
Disclaimer: _Dawson's Creek_ is not my property.  
  
Author's Note: Thank you for being so patient. 

* * *

This morning had been like what the other mornings had become.  
  
At the table, he took a deep breath. He opened his mouth to speak but couldn't find the words and took a sip of coffee instead.   
  
She avoided looking at him. She devoted her concentration to the arts and entertainment section of the newspaper; her eyes were focused calmly on the print but her was heart pounding with apprehension.   
  
And they kept at it, in silence throughout breakfast...   
  
"-cey? Pacey!"  
  
He was dragged out of his reverie at the voice of his boss. "What?" he asked, giving the latter a sideways glance.  
  
"I need you to make another run to Chicago."  
  
"What's the problem?"  
  
"Haven't you heard through the grapevine?"  
  
He swirled around his chair to look at his superior. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"Burke quit."  
  
Pacey raised a brow at the news. It didn't surprise him that his colleague had left but that he'd left so soon after hinting at it less than a week ago. "Greener pastures, I presume."  
  
Lansing muttered in a voice filled with scoff, "Whatever happened to loyalty?"  
  
"Better money happened to it."  
  
"You're not trying to tell me something, are you Witter?"  
  
"Think about it, boss." Pacey remained straight-faced. Joey would have been proud of him. The subject of his long-deserved increase in salary in return for the revenue he brought to his firm had been an accompaniment to dinner many a time and she was always encouraging him to make a stand in the matter. He'd always shied away from being confrontational but this seemed as good an opportunity as any. With any luck, he might just get something out of it.   
  
Now, if only he and his wife were talking to each other.   
  
Pacey got of his chair and shrugged nonchalantly. "So when do you want me in Chicago?"  
  
Lansing narrowed his eyes in suspicion at the quick turnabout. "Tomorrow afternoon," he said cautiously.  
  
Pacey simply nodded. Lansing looked quite petrified but he was not in the mood to offer his boss any words of comfort. He was more preoccupied with the realization that a part of him had cheered up at the thought of leaving for Chicago, away from his current problems and he immediately sobered.   
  
Not as far as he could think back with clarity did he ever relish the idea of spending time away from Joey. He shook his head lightly as if to clear his thoughts and left Lansing still puzzled as he made his way to the darkroom.   
  


*****

It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her that Andie was now living in Chicago and that he'd seen her and they had had dinner and ice cream-  
  
"Do you want to take this shirt with you?"  
  
He nodded mutely watching his wife pack his bag for him.  
  
She was beautiful. She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever met in his life and the most miraculous of all, she'd seen him at his worse, from childhood to adulthood and still chose him to spend the rest of her life with. Their marriage had been duly tested with trials and tribulations before. He knew he loved her, never stopped loving her, _couldn't _stop loving her.   
  
Why on earth then was his heart so messed up this time round?  
  
Joey busied herself with doing something for her husband, hoping that perhaps she'd feel less guilty if she were taking a more active part in his life. "How long will you be away this time?" she asked cheerfully.   
  
"Four days, three if we're lucky."  
  
She smiled brightly and spoke as such. "You must like Chicago to keep returning."  
  
"It's not like I have a choice in the matter," he said in a dulled voice. "I take orders."  
  
Her smile fell and her eyes flitted downward from his face back to his luggage. "I know that," she replied softly. "I just meant-"  
  
"I know what you meant." His voice was wound so tight, it felt like a rubber band about to snap. _Why the hell did he do that for_?  
  
Joey turned her face away on the pretense of reaching for clothing in the bureau. Her eyes were welling up. She begged inwardly for the self-control not to let them fall but one escaped nonetheless and she quickly wiped it away with a discreet sweep of her hand.  
  
He didn't miss the gesture. At that moment, he wished he were in a bar somewhere, picking a fight, just so he could provoke someone to smash a fist into his face. To punish him for hurting her and perhaps, it would serve him well to feel some real pain right now.   
  
He sighed quietly and got up from where he was to stand behind her. Holding her shoulders lightly, he felt them stiffen involuntarily and a mixture of sadness, guilt and anger came over him. He turned her around and his emotions intensified at the look in her eyes. Was she actuallyafraid of _him_?  
  
He nearly staggered in shock.   
  
The look in her eyes wavered when she saw how she'd affected him. _No, no,_ she thought wildly. _Don't give up on me_. She had been experiencing that streak of fear of late. Fear for _them_, for their marriage and the same feeling had crept up on her just then. When she saw his reaction, her heart fell. Was he finally going to decide he couldn't take anymore and give up on her?  
  
Pacey stood still, with fists clenched at his sides, not looking at her. He seemed stunned.   
  
She reached out. "Pacey?"  
  
Her voice was light, as her hand on his arm but she still managed to sense the strain beneath her fingers that he was emitting at her touch.   
  
She swallowed nervously and dropped her arm. "Pacey?" she repeated.  
  
He blinked at the floor once and looked up to stare into her eyes.   
  
She held his look but his cool blue eyes gave nothing away.  
  
"I'm tired. I'm going to bed." He didn't think he had spoken at all. His voice sounded foreign to him.  
  
She watched him walk into the bathroom and close the door softly behind him. It was then that she felt her momentary surprise change itself into sadness as she bit back a sob. 

* * *

Jen's dinner appointment for the following night had the makings of a full-blown disaster about to occur.  
  
Technically, the woman wasn't a client. So technically, she thought, if she were to brush the former off, she wouldn't necessarily be jeopardizing her career.  
  
But she was, after all, Danny's aunt. A woman that was related by blood to a man she loved more than life itself. Logically speaking, it wouldn't look good to offend anyone in his family.  
  
On the other hand, she was not about to let that get in the way of her determination to make Danny stay away. She was going to have to be rude and offensive because if she was even a tad right about what Susan McGarry was up to, it would be the only way to convince Danny and his loved ones that she was all wrong for him. Better to break his heart now than later. Like a Band-Aid, quick and ..._almost_ painless.  
  
"Mrs. McGarry-" she began to say after the waiter left them with menus.  
  
"Susan, please," came the good-natured interruption.  
  
"I'm not going to be able to stay long. I have important business to attend to." Jen hoped her tone sounded as dismissive as she wanted it to be.   
  
It did not have the desired effect on Susan, who merely conceded a murmur of acknowledging that she had spoken and continued browsing through the menu.  
  
Jen leant back, slouching slightly into her chair. She looked away from her company and her gaze landed on the next table where its occupants had just been served. She reluctantly admitted that having a constant urge to eat for two and being in one of the best French restaurants in town gave her two good reasons to put her task ahead aside for the moment.   
  
"Are you ready to order?"  
  
Susan responded by snapping her menu shut, with a twinkle in her eye.   
  
  
The waiter serving them that night was too professional to do anything more than twitch his lip as he repeated their order to them. Jen watched Susan nod in enthusiasm at his every word and almost reluctantly, returned their menus to him as he walked away.   
  
Jen knew she was pregnant. She wondered if Susan McGarry had a clue that she too, was carrying a child.   
  
"I have no idea what's come over me. I feel about ready to eat a horse."  
  
Okay so she did not.  
  
She was one of those lucky few who hardly experienced morning sickness. It must run in the family, Jen thought as she recalled Danny's mother having told her that she had had relatively trouble-free pregnancies, just has had her mother before her, even at the age of 42.  
  
As far as Jen knew, Susan had been a late child, a rather unexpected addition to the family. She had only been eleven when Danny was born and took delight in the responsibility of babysitting him when she got older. They were close and Susan was always the first person he turned to when he needed someone to talk to. She was more of a friend and sister than an aunt.   
  
It had been the night before Susan's wedding to Grant McGarry, a forty-five year old businessman when she first met the family. Danny had persuaded her to accompany him as his date to his youngest aunt's wedding. She had been very reluctant to involve herself in his family affairs; after all, she had barely had time to figure out what Danny meant to her and her, to him...   
  
**  
"This is strange beyond description."  
  
Pacey swiped the magazine away from Jen who was hiding her face behind it. "Did you hear what I just said?"  
  
Jen had suddenly become fascinated by the heel of her shoe, declining to respond.   
  
Pacey contemplated the situation for a moment and let out a chortle. "You know I'm never going to let either of you live it down."  
  
"How's married life?" she quipped, changing the subject.   
  
He deepened the tone of his voice, hoping it sounded reproachful enough. "Jennifer."  
  
She shook her head. "Don't turn into Grams now. I couldn't bear it."  
  
"Stop changing the subject. I want to know about you and Danny."  
  
Jen threw her arms in surrender. "Why on earth he felt compelled to tell you about it, I'll never figure out."  
  
Pacey paused to allow the waiter to put his cup of coffee down before him. "I'm sure glad he did, otherwise I might never have known."  
  
"That was the point," she muttered.  
  
"Let's get serious for one minute," he said, laying down the magazine on the table by his side. "Why does Danny think you and I have a history? Romantically speaking, I mean."  
  
Jen rolled her eyes. "He has an overactive imagination."  
  
"You guys didn't even seem to like each other in college."  
  
"Speak for yourself and Joey," she retorted.   
  
"Touché," he conceded. Pacey returned his attention to his coffee but Jen had known him for far too long to think that it was the end of this conversation.  
  
"What?" she demanded to know.  
  
"The two of you, is it..." he allowed his question to drift.  
  
"I don't know." She sighed. "If you're asking me if I'm dating other guys besides him, the answer's no. If you're asking if this may lead to marriage, hell no, not after three weeks. If you're asking me to predict how long it'll last, ask me when it's over."  
  
"You don't think you'll last?"  
  
"With my track record?" She shook her head. "Pacey, the best I can tell you, we've agreed it's casual for now."  
  
Pacey nodded and dropped the subject.  
  
"You know," she said after watching him, "you've become so serious about everything, it's no fun."  
  
He lifted her brow at her attempt to challenge him. "Really?"  
  
"Ah uh."  
  
"You know, Jennifer. Are you sure you've never been in love with me?"  
  
Her answer was a resounding whack on his arm with her magazine.  
  
**  
Three weeks had become months and before she knew it, they were well on their way to being together for a whole year. Just as she allowed herself to think about how good things could be, her life took another turn round the bend.   
  
Grams got sick.  
  
Four months later, Jen found herself holding back tears as she held on to her grandmother's hand by her bedside. It seemed to take an Herculean effort for Grams to open her eyes but she did as she smiled at her granddaughter one last time before she closed them again and took her last breath in peace.   
  
"Good-bye, Grams," she'd whispered.  
  
She'd felt a sense of loss so great, she'd thought she'd physically break into pieces. She held her anguish only long enough to make it out of the hospital where she broke down. Moments later, she found herself engulfed in a warm and comforting embrace. She rested her tear-stained face against his chest as her fingers held onto the lapels of his jacket.   
  
Wordlessly, he ran his hands soothingly up and down her back as she sobbed, trying to absorb some of her pain.  
  
When her crying had subsided and the front of his shirt was soaked with her tears, she began to remember that he was supposed to be in Dallas with an important client.   
  
"I'm so glad you're here," she whispered, her arms going around his waist and she breathed in the familiar scent of his cologne.   
  
"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," he told her.  
  
It was then that she knew she'd fallen in love with Danny Lerner and it was too late to turn back...  
  
Looking now at his aunt, she wondered how she was ever going to pull the whole thing off without ever revealing evidence of her broken heart.  
  


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	14. Sense And Sensibility

Saved  
Part 13  
Sense and Sensibility   
by: Jade 

* * *

Disclaimer: _Dawson's Creek_ doesn't belong to me.

* * *

  
"McPhee, just stand back and watch the expert."  
  
Andie handed over the spatula and let out a huge snort that soon turned into a burst of laughter as she stepped aside just in time to duck the assortment of green vegetables flying her way.   
  
"You're supposed to keep the food in the pan," she told him.  
  
"Smarty-pants."  
  
Andie grinned into the glass of Perrier she brought to her lips. She had been all prepared to settle into her evening with takeout and a good book when her doorbell had rung.  
  
"What are you doing here?" she asked in astonishment.  
  
"My job." Pacey stepped around her into her new home, with bags of grocery shopping. "Nice place."  
  
"Thanks," she replied. She was still surprised at his appearance to question his intrusion into her kitchen.  
  
And she was glad she hadn't for he was making her laugh the hardest she had in ages with his antics.  
  
He looked so adorable in the personalized apron that someone had given to her as a housewarming gift. He turned around and she chuckled again at the words emblazoned on his chest: "Feel free to compliment the chef...well, for pete's sake, say something!" She could definitely use more happy moments like these.  
  
A glint of light caught the corner of her eye and she followed the track back to its origin. Her smile faltered as she placed it to the band on Pacey's finger.   
  
She'd gone and done it again - allowed herself to think about a future she couldn't have.

* * *

"I just couldn't mind my own business." Susan waved off Jen's credit card as she placed her own on the check and returned it to the waiter. "Grant, my husband, told me coming to look for you wasn't going to be too good an idea."  
  
Jen tactfully remained tight-lipped.   
  
"I love Danny more than life itself. I couldn't stand by and not try."  
  
"Mrs. McGarry-"  
  
"Susan."  
  
"Mrs. McGarry," Jen repeated, sounding harsher than she'd planned. "I can appreciate your concern for Danny but our relationship is between us and I'd prefer not to talk about it with anyone."  
  
Susan stared at her for a long time and she wanted to look away in sheer guilt and shame but knowing that would defeat her purpose, she forced herself not to squirm and returned the look with steady eyes.   
  
"Jen, I don't know why you're doing this."  
  
She shrugged. "Relationships end. I'm sure you can understand that."  
  
"That's not what I mean." Susan took her credit card from the waiter after printing her signature and returned it to her wallet. "I thought-" She shook her head. "No, I _know_ there's more to this. I was a woman in love the first time I met you and I recognized that same look on you."   
  
Jen stubbornly tilted her chin. "You read me wrong."  
  
Susan stood up abruptly and swayed a little. Jen almost reached out to steady her on her feet but forced her hands to stay by her side. "I'm sorry we both wasted our time." There was now an edge to the older woman's voice.   
  
"I'm sorry you came down here for nothing."   
  
Susan turned to go. Jen closed her eyes and took small, inaudible breaths and managed to look up again, composed as the former suddenly turned back and her voice, soft but chilled. "This wasn't Danny's idea, he knows nothing of it. You should know that I came of my own accord."  
  
This time, Jen said nothing. Five minutes later, she was still seated at their table in a daze.   
  


*****

"What!"  
  
"Danny, this could be a blessing in disguise. Maybe she's not the one for you."  
  
"Suz, how could you do that?"   
  
Susan could guess how mad he was with her. He never called her just _Suz_ unless he was distraught and distracted.   
  
"Sweetie-"  
  
"I can't believe you did that." Danny began to pace the living room of his apartment. It had been _their_ apartment before Jen moved out a month ago. He haphazardly ran his hand through his hair and sat down but was up on his feet in a second, pacing again. "What did she say?" he asked, hope against hope showing in his voice.  
  
Her silence told him everything.  
  
"You know what's worse than all this?" He chuckled humorlessly. "I still don't know what I did to make her leave." 

* * *

**She longed to say 'I love you'.   
  
She had been reading the same paragraph over and over again and was going nowhere. Leaning against the arm of their couch, her legs partially resting on his lap as he watched the basketball game on television, with only a minimal of her attention on the novel before her, she admitted she was distracted.   
  
A lot from the way he was occasionally playing with her recently pedicured toes to kneading the skin on her feet, giving her a massage and sending tingles all the way back to her heart. But most of all-  
  
"Oh come on!" he yelled at the screen.  
  
-she was distracted by how in love she was with him and the weight of it was starting to take its toll. It had to be if she was even thinking about ruining the way things were by confessing.  
  
The game broke up for the end of the third quarter and the object of her distraction gently lifted her feet and plopped them back on the couch. "Want some hot chocolate?" he asked, standing up and stretching and then bending forward to plant a kiss on her forehead.   
  
He was completely unaware of how easy it was for him to show affection, having done it his entire life with his family.   
  
She nodded mutely, one hand on her book, still unwilling to admit her attention hadn't been completely focused on stealing glances at him from behind the cover of catching up with her reading.   
  
When he returned with their hot chocolate and handed a mug to her, she gave in and dropped her reading to the floor by the couch and cuddled to him. He wrapped his free arm around her in reflex. It was still strange to her, the way he brought out the sentimental side she'd never thought she possessed. At some point in time, she began to learn to give up feeling awkward and embarrassed at public displays of affection. She gave up pretending that she did not like him holding on to her hand when they walked the crowded streets on their way to a movie or for coffee. She no longer squirmed or felt the urge to move away when he hugged her to him, wrapping the front of his coat around her and running his hands down her back to warm her up as they watched the Christmas lights and skaters at Rockefeller Center. And she stopped moving away when on occasion, he would lean in to kiss her lightly on the mouth as a hello or goodbye.   
  
He put her mug down and did the same with hers. She raised a questioning brow at him.   
  
"You're pretty distracting when you want to be."  
  
She realized that she had been caressing the top of his thigh with her free hand. "But I haven't said a word." The ends of her mouth were crinkled in mirth as she spoke.   
  
He smiled. "You didn't have to."  
  
"Don't you want to watch the game?" Already he was half lying on top of her as she lay back on the couch when she asked the question.  
  
"I'd rather watch you."   
  
He promptly proceeded to wipe the smirk off her face.   
  
**

*****

And eight weeks later, she drowned herself in self-reprimand as she watched the stick she was holding turn an unmistakable shade of blue. ****

**

* * *

**

Pacey relaxed in the comfortable rocker in Andie's back porch and closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of the night.   
  
They were both silent for a long time.  
  
She tore her eyes away from the stars that she'd been watching from the long cushioned seat where she'd been lying down.   
  
"Is something wrong at home?"  
  
Pacey opened his eyes slowly and looked to his right at her.   
  
"Why do you think that?"  
  
"Because you've never really been able to keep anything from me," she replied honestly, glancing back at the sky in time to see a shooting star. She'd made a wish even before she knew she had. "Just as I from you."  
  
"Few things have changed in my life, it appears."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Dawson wants Joey back."  
  
Andie sharply turned to look at him. "What?"  
  
"Dawson's back."  
  
"I'm sorry." She sat up and leaned in closer. "I know it's never been easy for you."  
  
He laughed mirthlessly as he took in the concern on her face. "For everyone. It's the bane of our existence. How often I wished I could bring myself to love someone else as much as I do Joey."  
  
Andie sighed sadly, unsure of what exactly it was that made her want to cry. Was she pining for a love so passionate, a love that would come only once in a lifetime, one that she'd yet to encounter?   
  
Or was she lamenting its loss?  
  


*****

"I have to stop seeing you."  
  
Dawson released an angry breath. "Is this his idea?"  
  
"Pacey's a good part of the reason. But I make my own decisions."  
  
"So you're telling me our friendship's over because your husband doesn't trust you."  
  
_I don't trust myself_. She did not voice her thought out loud. Her bottom lip quivered and she bit on it to compose herself before speaking. "We've grown up. Sometimes we're expected to make choices that don't include our past."  
  
"It's _me_, Joey." Dawson's voice had lowered to a whisper. "I've known you forever. We've been there for each other, through childhood dreams, heartache…loss of family. I can't-," he broke off.   
  
"Dawson-"  
  
"I can't comprehend how you could contemplate letting go of something we've shared for so long. Sometimes, it's the mere thought of you that keeps me going."  
  
Tears welled up in her eyes. "How did we get to this?" she questioned, her resolve weakening.  
  
He sensed it and regret filled him. "It was my fault, I should have stayed."  
  
"No," she shook her head. "It was something you needed to do."  
  
"No, it wasn't. It wouldn't have been if I didn't let it."   
  
A tear escaped and she quickly wiped it off her cheek with her fingertips.   
  
He took her other hand. "I think there's a lot between us that hasn't been said yet," he said quietly. "If nothing else, we're _friends_ and I would like for you to remain in my life. And we owe it to ourselves to at least talk to each other."  
  
Joey dropped her forehead into her hand, her elbow resting on the table. She kept her face down.  
  
Dawson gently released her hand and waited patiently across from her.  
  


* * *

_Feedback please, to: pacey@hockeymail.com___

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